Caleb and Catherine

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From Us to You

Hello!

We are Catherine and Caleb, and first off we want to THANK YOU for considering us as a family for your child.   We admire your courage in considering adoption and know it can be a difficult journey.  We believe in adoption with our whole hearts and are forever grateful to the birth parents who make it possible.

We live on a small farm in Northern California with our amazing son Shepherd.  Our family is loving, outdoorsy, stable, and full of laughter.   Shep is the greatest joy of our lives, and being chosen by his birth parents in 2018 is hands down the best thing that has ever happened to us.  We value children more than anything else in the world and are very excited to adopt again.

We promise to give your child all the love, security, and happiness that you would.  We will always be honest and truthful with them about their adoption story and they will know of your love and generosity.

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Why We are Choosing to Adopt (Again!)

One of the first things we discussed when we were dating was how much we both wanted to have children.  Catherine already knew she could not conceive but both of us were excited about adoption.  Caleb’s best friend growing up was adopted and Catherine literally wants to love and nurture every single child she meets so adoption was always something she was interested in.  The road to adopting Shep had its challenges but being his parents has been so amazing that we had no hesitation in starting the adoption journey again.  We have plenty of time, resources, and space for more children and the farm needs more kids to be running around it.  We both come from families where we had (and still have!) rich, close relationships with our siblings. Our lives are so much fuller because of our brothers and sisters – and we want the same thing for Shep and his future sibling(s).  Shep cannot wait to be a big brother…he literally asks when we will “dopt baby” every day.

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Our Story

We met at a café in San Francisco, and within five minutes we were sharing everything, including Catherine’s sandwich.  We also found out we both loved laughing, being outdoors, swimming, DIY projects, and dancing.

By our second date, we were planting a rose bush, picking veggies, and getting eggs from Catherine’s chickens to make a fresh-from-the-farm brunch.   We never looked back after that—we were having too much fun and couldn’t imagine forging a path through life with anyone else.

We are in the most committed partnership you could ever imagine–we are madly in love with each other, own a home together, run the farm business together, and spend ALL our time together, but are not legally married.  Seven years ago, Caleb gave Catherine what she considers the most romantic marriage proposal ever–he presented her with a pair of needle nose pliers (her favorite and most used tool, so of course, she can never find them) holding a vintage emerald ring that was exactly her style. Instead of tying the knot, we put our money towards buying a farm and being able to stay at home with our future kids. We know that we are forever committed to each other and the family that we are building.

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About Catherine, by Caleb

Catherine is a powerhouse and a flower. She is my personal hero and also a huge goofball. From the moment we met, I was charmed by her wit, her accomplishments, her zest, and her style. Catherine is a super enthusiastic and empathetic person, and has a vast and diverse group of loving friends, but she especially shines around children. Nieces and nephews, friends’ and neighbors’ kids—they can’t get enough of her. She makes Halloween costumes from scratch in a single day, organizes farm tours in wheelbarrows on a moment’s notice, and is above all extremely attuned to kid needs. She knows just how to shape a question, a comment, or a look that entirely changes a bad cry to a good laugh.

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About Caleb, by Catherine

Caleb is the love of my life and the best man I have ever met. For me, he is the soulmate I didn’t dare to dream I could ever have. He is caring, smart, funny, clever, hardworking, honest, and silly. He is a fantastic cook and actually enjoys cleaning! He helps me relax and supports me in all my endeavors. Though I have wanted to become a mom for my entire life, I am glad I waited, because it means my kids get to have THIS GUY as their dad.  He has limitless energy for playing silly games, chasing, and answering six million questions. He is also one of the snuggliest human beings on the planet.

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Meet Shep

Our son Shepherd is the most tender tornado we’ve ever seen. He rockets up in the early morning and scrambles headfirst into his day, eating vegetables straight from the garden, climbing his favorite trees, and chasing down all the interesting sounds and sights around our land.  Amidst all that activity, he is also incredibly, naturally gentle – at least once a day, we can find him lying down with his head on the belly of our barn cat, softly rubbing her paws, or holding a worm in both hands, and whispering “bye baby wooooorm,” before slowly putting it back in the dirt.

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Parenting Style

As parents, we believe in being present with our son as much as possible, kindness, patience, and saying yes more than we say no.  We believe in maintaining firm boundaries with kids not to be mean but because it helps them feel safe and secure.  We do not believe in corporal punishment or being punitive in general…we have taken classes in RIE parenting, which is all about being respectful to children as well as parents.  We try to listen and help Shep (and other kids) when he is acting out and see what they really need.  Instead of having a million different rules we base everything on 1) health 2) safety, and 3) respect and, if we do not want him to do something, we talk about why it is not one of these things. We will use this same caring and patient method with your child, with the understanding that they may learn and develop in different ways than Shep. We will never compare our children and can’t wait to see their personalities and individuality develop.

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Our Relationship with Shep's Birth Parents

We adopted Shep from a young couple in Arizona who we are forever grateful to.  Before Shep was born, we met multiple times with his birth parents and spent as much time as they were comfortable with discussing their hopes and expectations for Shep, what they wanted him to know about them, and their own future plans.   We were in the room when he was born and the five of us spent time together for a week afterward.  We now send them frequent photos and letters updating them on all the wonderful things Shep is doing.  It is important to us to make sure that all the hard work and stress that you may go through is honored and that you can look forward to experiencing your child’s life in a way that makes you happy and comfortable.  We are very open about adoption with Shep and the same will be true for your child. Our children will know that adoption is a very special way to make a family, that they are adopted, that everyone involved cares very much for them.

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Our Roots

Catherine
I grew up in Virginia, but followed a wandering path after college that led me through New York, London and Paris then finally to San Francisco where I lived for 18 years.  I studied biology in college and after taking several years off to travel and work different jobs I went to law school.  I never imagined I would become a lawyer, but I found it the best way for me to fulfill my passion for helping people. I worked helping families and children in difficult situations for many years but have stepped back from this work so I can focus on my own family.  I now work part-time from home for a large trust that funds environmental projects all over the world.  My work can be challenging but it helps the planet and allows me to spend the majority of my time tending my farm and family.

Caleb
I was born and raised in Northern California, with parents from Denmark and New York.  As a child, my parents were the sweetest, silliest, and most encouraging grown-ups I knew, and I constantly look to my childhood memories for guidance in parenting. I was a bookish kid, but after spending an unenjoyable three years in law school I decided that I’d rather make a career out of carpentry.  By the time I met Catherine, I was supervising whole-house remodels of old Victorian houses. None of the thrill and hustle of construction can match the delight, complexity, and honor of parenting.

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Lifestyle

We love our life on our little farm together—every day is full of exciting adventures with plants, wildlife, and animals.  We grow a great deal of our own food and quite a bit for our community as well.   Our other work allows us the flexibility to both be home with our son and tend the farm all together.

We love being in nature and spend much of our time outside as a family. Catherine is a big reader (especially fantasy and historical fiction) and likes working with her hands, whether it be cooking, doing art with Shep, building, or sewing.  Sewing has been a lifelong passion and she enjoys restoring vintage clothing, mending, and making costumes.  More than anything, she loves being a Mom–it is the most important and wonderful thing in her life and always will be.

Caleb loves growing food and remodeling our house.  His childhood convinced him that kids thrive when they are seen as competent, treated with patient respect, and included safely in grown-up activities rather than being gated off in a playpen or seated at the “kids’ table.”  Even before he could crawl, Shep has joined Caleb on his morning “chores,” feeding animals and watering plants – and now, Shep is usually the one suggesting what projects we do next – whether it’s planting new crops, weeding, sawing log benches, pruning trees in our orchard, or checking on our cats & chickens.

We are so eager to welcome a new baby into our routines – planting and harvesting, building, cooking, helping our plants and animals grow and thrive, and more.  Most of the work we do is purposefully designed to be safe for babies to join in on – all the plants we grow are safe to eat, all our animals are gentle, and all of our tools & workspaces are built to be explored.  Shep has grown up crawling from plant to plant, nibbling on fava bean leaves and calendula petals, hugging the world’s most tolerant barn cats and chickens, smashing pine nuts out of pine cones, and then going inside to mash those nuts, basil leaves he picked, and garlic he helped grow into pesto on the kitchen floor with Mom.

Our lifestyle is traditional in many ways but also unconventional in many others.  Catherine is the breadwinner and general “manager” of everything while Caleb always does the dishes and laundry (he bizarrely likes these things).  Almost every meal is home cooked and we take turns preparing food from scratch (but Caleb does all the baking).  We are both home with Shep and will both be home until all of our children are at least 4…no nannies or daycare for us.  We love playdates and activities and classes (like music, horseback riding, dance, and art) but really want to be the ones to raise our children.

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Home & Community

We live in the country just outside of a small town in Northern California, with access to a city only an hour away.  We are excited that our children will get to experience the wild joys of living in the country, and also take advantage of the arts and excitement the city has to offer.  Our town has excellent public schools as well as wonderful Waldorf and Montessori school options.  The Pacific Ocean is just 20 minutes away and we visit our favorite beaches once or twice a week.

Our house has three bedrooms and a giant open play space just begging to be filled with more family.  We have a nursery space ready for a new baby filled with all the things we wish we’d had for Shep.  It is filled with light and plants and has a huge window looking out into our front wildflower meadow and oak trees.  Behind our house is a field full of organic vegetables, flowers, and berries, and just past that is a gorgeous stand of giant redwoods, followed by an orchard filled with all kinds of fruit trees.  Our chickens live right by the giant back deck where the three barn cats like to bask in the sun. There is a  big open field that is a dream for children to run and romp through, and nothing beats the wildlife—we have owls in our trees, possums and raccoons wandering at night, friendly deer who come right up to the house, hawks, salamanders, and frogs galore!  We have a variety of play structures and a ton of really great trees for climbing and swinging from.

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Families & Friends

Caleb’s parents still live in the house he grew up in and you’d think his sister lives next door from the amount they talk and text (she’s actually in NYC).  Catherine’s parents and two brothers are still in Virginia but that doesn’t stop Shep from “hanging out” with his four amazing cousins over Skype or Facetime.  We also visit back and forth–during our last trip to Virginia we rented a big house on an alpaca farm so the whole crew could hang out!

Catherine’s cousin Katie is nearby and is a fantastic Auntie—doesn’t hurt that she works for Pixar and KNOWS what kids like!  She just had a baby and we can’t wait to have a cousin who is close in age.  Just down the road on a neighboring farm is Shep’s Godmother Nico and her two amazing young children who are close to his age.  We have a great group of friends with kids in our town and host tons of playdates at the farm.

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Family Traditions

We value habits and traditions that connect our family to our land and our community. Of course, it helps if they are silly, too – and if they start from a child’s suggestion.

Seasonal photos in the “Picture Tree” – Ever since Shep was a baby, he’s loved to climb our trees, and he especially loves our 40+-year-old redwoods in the back field.  So, on the first day of every season, we started taking pictures of him perched in his favorite tree.  It’s grown into a photobook that he can look at and see how much he’s grown.

Spaghetti Fridays – Shep loves noodles, tomatoes, and tomato sauce.  So ever since he had the coordination, we’ve mashed and cooked and stirred our homemade tomato sauce together and anchored our week with a Friday evening noodle night.

Cutting a Christmas tree from our land – We have a bunch of redwood stumps that still send up 5’+ shoots every year.  From among those, and the large limbs we sometimes have to bring down for safety, we all pick a Christmas “tree” to bring inside.  Usually, it’s quite an unusual shape – but that just makes it more fun for Shep to decorate! We also like making our own decorations celebrating important moments of the year.  This time, Shep helped paint a sand dollar with a picture of our new travel trailer.

Planting garlic on Thanksgiving – we like to link traditional holidays to things beyond just gifts and celebration, so part of our Thanksgiving is spent prepping our garlic beds and popping in the first few cloves.  Garlic was one of the first plants Shep liked to eat (raw!) right out of the garden, and now he gets to help with each year’s crop!

What we love most about our traditions is that they start with something our kid likes – and it grows into an event we can all celebrate and anticipate.  We can’t wait to see what games, foods, or behaviors your child wants to incorporate into our family traditions!

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Racial & Cultural Diversity

We believe love is love and would welcome our immediate family becoming more diverse.  Our extended family is already very diverse – Catherine’s sister in law is from Thailand, one niece and two nephews are half Thai, and one niece has Mexican heritage; Caleb’s family is Polish/Jewish on his mother’s side, and Danish on his father’s side, with both being only a generation or two removed from their Old Countries.  Catherine grew up in a town that is predominantly African American and her mother taught at Hampton University (a historically black college).  If your child does not have the same heritage or skin tone as us, we will make sure they have relationships with people who have similar backgrounds and plenty of contact with their communities of origin.  We know how important it is to honor their backgrounds and cultures.

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Our Promise to You

We promise we will love and cherish your child with all our hearts and actions.  We will give everything we have to being the best parents we can be.  We will honor any commitments we make to you and we will make sure your child knows their full story and the sacrifice you made.

The most important thing we want you to take away from our profile is the respect and gratitude we have for you.  Making an adoptive placement plan and choosing adoption for your child is a selfless act founded in love, and we thank you so much for considering us as your child’s adoptive parents.