Unsupportive Parents and Family: for Birth Mothers
- Educate Them: A lot of parents and family members are against adoption because they don’t quite understand it. They see it as a black and white situation: either you "give up" your child, or you keep your child. However, you know it is certainly not so simple, or so cut and dry. The best way to ease your family away from this type of thinking is to educate them. Tell them why you’ve chosen adoption and show them that you truly feel that you’re making the best choice for your child by allowing him/her to be loved by another family as well as this one.
- Show Them That You’re in Control: Some parents and family member may think that creating an adoption pan for a child is simply putting the child out of your hands. Show them that, in actuality, you are in full control of your adoption plan from start to finish. Inform that that:
- You Select the Adoptive Family Your child is not going to some random family when you choose adoption. In fact, you get to be actively involved in the selection of the adoptive family in most cases, ensuring that your child is placed with someone you’re comfortable with.
- You Are Eligible For and Will Receive Financial Assistance As the birth mother, you are able to receive financial assistance throughout the pregnancy and the adoption process depending on state regulation and law.
- You Choose the Amount of Contact With your Child: You get to decide between an open or closed adoption in most cases, which may involve letters, pictures, and even visits with your child.
- You Know What You’re Doing: Perhaps you have certain goals or aspirations that you won’t be able to achieve while raising a child, and you know it – tell your family this and explain why it’s best for you and the child to choose adoption.
- The Adoption IS Happening: Overall, the most important thing to inform your parents and family members is that, despite their opinions, the adoption will move forward. If necessary, remind them of your reasons, show them how much you care, and be clear about how much their support would mean to you.
Unsupportive Parents and Family: for Adoptive Parents
- There May Be Reasons Why Adoption is Best For You: Some couples or individuals decide to adopt due to infertility or other medical problems when it comes to conceiving. Such issues are very personal, and usually stay within the confines of the couple’s relationship or the individual’s inner mind. If, for whatever reason, your parents or family members do not know about your infertility or other medical condition, you do not have to tell them. However, explaining that there are more reasons behind adoption than what they might think may help them keep an open mind and be more sensitive.
- You Are Financially Stable: Just as deciding to get pregnant is between you and your significant other, deciding to adopt is between the two of you as well. Even as an individual, it is up to you when to start a family, and, sometimes, adoption is the best way. One of the main concerns about having children are the financial obligations that come with them. Adoption can be very expensive which may cause some family members to be wary. Inform that you are an adult and have considered all the financial demands adoption comes with. Show them that there are also loans and grants available to help adopt, as well as additional adoption resources.
- This is Something You Want to Do: Some families choose adoption because they simply want to expand in that way. They want to help children in need, and adoption is a wonderful way to do so. Telling your family this may show them that you have a very real and very pure reason for your decision.
- It IS Going to Happen: At the end of the day, adoption is your decision and your parents and family members can do very little to stop you from moving forward. Though it may be frustrating and discouraging, you may have to accept your family’s views and feelings, but still inform them that the adoption is going to happen. Here, relaying how much their support would mean to you, but you must understand that this may not change anything.