When I was making the decision whether or not to place my baby for adoption, I struggled with this same question. Unfortunately, there is a lot of shame placed on women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. We are oftentimes thought of as irresponsible and careless. On top of that shame placed on us, there is still ignorance about adoption that creates an additional stigma. Society tells us that women who place their babies are taking the easy way out, or are running away from their responsibilities. I have come to learn that it is the exact opposite. These women are making the hardest decision and taking full responsibility for making the best choice for their child.
Some people would say to me that I was making a brave and selfless decision, but to be honest I didn’t feel that way. I weighed out my options and while I was making the decision that was best for my baby, I was also making the decision that was best for me. I felt selfish for wanting my life back to the way it was before. I felt shame that I couldn’t parent on my own. So while my selfish reasons helped me to make my decision, the driving force in my decision to place my daughter for adoption was my desire for her to have the best life. She deserved that. And let me tell you that placing my daughter was the most difficult experience of my life. As sure as I was about my decision, my heart was betraying my head. It hurt. When it really came down to it I forgot all about my selfish reasons and the only thing that kept me going was knowing she deserved a life I couldn’t give her on my own. It wasn’t about me; it was about her.
I mean I may be biased, but I think birthparents are some of the most courageous and selfless people. They are making the ultimate sacrifice. They are putting their child’s needs above the wants and desires of their own heart. It really doesn’t get any braver than that. They are taking a difficult experience and making it into something beautiful. And that is something to be proud of. It takes a special kind of person to make that sacrifice. Placing your baby for adoption doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a beautiful person.
Author: Ali D.