“There is nothing more powerful or radical or stunningly beautiful than a woman who chooses to rebuild her life day after day. No matter how many pieces there are to pick up or how many mistakes she must spin into gold.”
– Carol Alwill Leyba
Placing a child is life changing in a number of ways. It can put your past, present, and future into a whole new perspective. After placing, I remember sitting down with my counselor and talking with her about the things I wanted to do with my life and the goals I wanted to set for myself. I felt like I had now been given a second shot at getting it right and I didn’t want to mess it up. I was 19 and in college when I got pregnant and I was devastated by the possibility that I wouldn’t be able to finish college and get my degree. I had worked so hard to get where I was. Placing my daughter allowed me to refocus and I set a goal for myself that I wanted to graduate in 4 years. I wanted my daughter to be proud of me. I wanted her to see that I made something of my life.
In 2014 I achieved that goal and graduated with my BA in Psychology. It was one of the best days of my life. But do you want to know what the best part was? My daughter was there with her parents. In fact she was waving at me while I walked across the stage and was handed my diploma. I felt a flood of emotion as my daughter watched me. She was able to witness me taking the next step in bettering my future. It was a full circle moment for me.
And I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge the fact that her parents understood the significance of that day and showed up for me. And they have continued to show up for me over the years and have celebrated my accomplishments.
Since then I have continued to set and achieve goals so that one day she might be proud that I am her birthmother. I found my passion in life and have pursued a career in the adoption field. There may come a day when she asks me about my decision, and I hope that I have a long list of accomplishments to show her what I was able to do because of it. I obviously made the decision because I wanted her to have a better life, but I was also able to better my own life.
Here are the achievements of other birthmothers in our Healing Hearts group who picked themselves up and achieved great things after placing.
“I am a little over 1 years clean and sober.”
“I am a much better parent now for both of my children. SO much so that I have finally regained custody of my first born son who is now 11.”
“I got out of a 12 year abusive relationship.”
“Over the past 2 years I have overcome a lot of obstacles and I finally have my life on the right path.”
“Now, 8 years later, I have been married for 4 years and I have a son. He is 1 and I couldn’t be happier. I was given a second chance.”
And those are just a few…Isn’t it amazing what one can accomplish when given the chance?
By: Ali D.