What Your Adopted Child Won’t Tell You

It is hard enough these days to talk to your parents about life. Imagine having to talk to your parents about something as personal as your feelings on being an adopted child. No child wants to hurt their parents, especially by expressing his or her feelings on being adopted and sounding ungrateful.

These are things many adoptees wish they could share with their adoptive parents:

I hate being an adopted child.

I don’t believe any child is happy they were adopted. Even if they were given a “better life.” The pain will always be there. How would you feel if you were given away and were separated from your siblings?

I feel uncomfortable being the only black child in the family.

As much as we would like to think race or ethnicity does not matter, it does. Everyone wants to fit in, adopted or not. It sucks to have people staring at you, knowing without a doubt, that you are an adopted child because you look nothing like your adoptive family.

I want to know my birth family.

No matter how perfect your family is and how much your adopted child loves you, a part of your child wants to know their birth family or fantasizes about them.

I hate Gotcha Day.

This is not freeze-tag. No adoptee wants to feel they were “got.” It may sound cool, at first, having another day to receive gifts, a party, and even a second birthday; however, I do not always want to be reminded I am adopted. I just want to be a part of the family. I do not want to be recognized as different.

Stop with the “chosen” word.

That word makes it sound like I was picked out of a litter of cats and dogs. There is nothing special about me being happy I was chosen, when there are many children and teens who were not—some suffering everyday because they feel unwanted and neglected.

I am always secretly thinking of what my birth mom is like.

Not a week passes that I do not wonder what she is doing, if she is thinking about me, or if she will ever try to come back and get me. Not that I would go, but I always wonder if she loves me enough to come back for me.

I hate those adoption t-shirts, buttons, and tote-bags you carry.

Why do you have to tell the world you adopted me? I am not a trophy, a prize, or a souvenir you purchased while traveling through Asia. The next time you think of buying a shirt that reads: Adoption is the New Pregnant, I Was Chosen, or Adoption Rocks—think about a pit bull snarling, because that is how adoptees feel. Don’t get me wrong, I have seen some pretty cool and clever adoption related t-shirts I would rock, but the ones I mentioned are definitely off limits! If you currently own one, shred it or burn it RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

Stop telling everyone you adopted me.

Do you think they don’t know? I look nothing like you. It is none of their business. When someone asks, put them in their place and let them know we are a family and that is all that matters. I do not want to sit by while you are having coffee or lunch with your girlfriends listening to talk about my adoption. Check please!

If you are guilty of any I mentioned, do not worry, we forgive you. Now that you know how we genuinely feel, we hope you take our feelings into consideration and not repeat them.