Our use of the terms “putting up” or “giving up” does not reflect how we feel about adoptive placement. These terms remain the most widely used search terms for those who are considering adoption for their baby, and we wish to reach all who seek this important information.
YOU’RE NOT GIVING UP, YOU’RE GIVING LIFE
Many people are physically capable of having a child and becoming a parent. However, not everyone is ready to raise a child. Good parenting takes more than love. It takes money, time, attention and engagement. Recognizing that what you have to give your child at this time is not enough is painful, brave and terrifying. Many parents don’t realize this truth until it’s too late. Though creating an adoption plan for your child is painful, making this decision is actually a tremendous act of love.
Coming to terms with your own circumstances and knowing that you can’t provide the life your child needs and deserves takes courage. The phrase, “giving up a child for adoption” or “putting up a child for adoption originated in the 1880’s during the Orphan Train Movement. Homeless children were taken from the cities and brought to the country side and “put up” onto stages for landowners to choose from. Times have changed, adoption has changed and adoption language has changed. When someone says “put up your child for adoption” or “give up your child for adoption”, it implies that the child is not being lovingly placed with another family, but is simply being given up to the state, government, or another person. It is an outdated and negative term to use when talking about adoption today. This terminology implies a lack of care and concern, and almost makes it seem as if the child does not matter to their Birth Mother and Father. For the vast majority of Birth Parents, this couldn’t be further from the truth, which is why seeing or hearing the words “giving up” is so hurtful. People don’t give up things they love. They give up bad habits, they give up unhealthy foods, they give up things that have a negative impact on their lives.
So why is this language still used if it is so hurtful and untrue? Many adoption professionals use the terminology “to give up your baby for adoption” or to “put up your baby for adoption” online because we want to make sure that our services are reaching those who need them. Often times people outside of the adoption world do not know positive adoption language and may search these terms. Rest assured that when you speak with one of our counselors or advisors that we will never use that language. We want you to feel valued and respected and like your decision is not being taken lightly.
REMEMBER BIRTHPARENTS AREN’T GIVING UP ANYTHING.
They didn’t give up their baby. THEY CREATED AN ADOPTION PLAN FOR THEIR CHILD.
They didn’t give up their baby. THEY PLACED THEIR CHILD INTO THE ARMS OF A LOVING FAMILY.
They didn’t give up their baby. THEY MADE A DIFFICULT CHOICE TO DO WHAT WAS BEST FOR THEIR CHILD.
THEY PLACED THEIR CHILD FOR ADOPTION BECAUSE they love them
THEY PLACED THEIR CHILD FOR ADOPTION BECAUSE they wanted to make sure their child had everything he/she deserved.
THEY PLACED THEIR CHILD FOR ADOPTION BECAUSE they loved them enough to give them a life they knew they couldn’t provide
THEY PLACED THEIR CHILD FOR ADOPTION BECAUSE they wanted to give a gift to a family that couldn’t have one.
THEY PLACED THEIR CHILD FOR ADOPTION BECAUSE their child deserved more.
It takes time. It takes effort. It takes thought. It takes a true act of selfless love to place your child.