Finding Balance in Open Adoption Relationships

When it comes to open adoption relationships, people are curious. Many have asked me, “What do you say to your kids’ birth parents?” Some are completely flabbergasted that I even keep in contact with them at all. They are the ones who normally follow up with, “That is so nice of you. Your kids are so lucky.”Those who are genuinely interested are typically those hoping to adopt or just want to learn more about adoption. Knowing what to say to your kid’s birth parents can be tricky. You probably h...

When Your Daughter Wants to Meet Her Birth Mom

My 4 year old wants to meet her birth mom.It came. The question I thought I would have a couple of years to prepare myself for came. While in the car, my 4 year old daughter expressed a desire to meet her birth mom. At bedtime a few days later she said her birth mother probably had to think really hard about which family would be right for her. She continued on to say that her birth mother picked the right family for her! That made me feel great! Then she asked again if she could meet her b...

What Does Adoption Mean to a Birthmother?

Adoption means many things to many people, none more animated than those in the adoption triad. What does adoption mean to me as a birthmom? This question has been rolling around without me realizing it until someone suggested I write an article about it. Even within the birthmother community, views and attitudes vary widely. Some I agree with. Some I disagree with. As a birthmom in a closed adoption for many years, I have my own perspective. What’s hard for people to hear is the sad side of ad...

You’re Not My Real Mom! Your Son’s Teen Years

Adopted child acting out? Experiencing adopted child temper tantrums? If so, there’s a chance you’ve heard the words “You’re not my real mom!” What do you do when your adopted child hates you? Adoptee Keith Cousins provides reassurance for adoptive parents and shares his unique perspective about surviving the teen years with your adopted son.It was always the nuclear option.I never hit the red button as a teenager and said those five words in the middle of a heated fight with my mom.But I scream...

My Husband Is Infertile

Since my husband is infertile we had 0% chance of conceivingI am starting to slowly realize that I am an “oddity” both in the fertile and infertile worlds. Unlike other adoptive moms who share their stories of medicines, shots, various procedures and surgery—my husband is infertile and he experienced many of those. I only experienced them through him. My husband’s infertility led to us adopting sooner in life than we had planned, so I don’t seem to “fit-in” with other adoptive moms who struggled...