Ask the Adoption Coach: Choosing an Agency

Reader: What would you say are the most important things to look for when deciding on an agency to work with? Do you prefer any over others?Adoption Coach:Dear Reader:Thank you for your question. A common concern for those new to adoption is how to choose an agency. There are so many agencies to choose from, not to mention adoption attorneys and adoption consultants (or facilitators).Of course, cost is a main factor for many prospective adoptive parents (PAPs). In this area, you need to consider...

Ask the Adoption Coach: Coping With the Wait

Reader: How do you cope with the wait/search/disappointment?Adoption Coach:Dear Reader:Your sentiments are felt by many prospective adoptive parents. Waiting for the news that you have been referred or chosen can be incredibly frustrating, confusing, disheartening, and anxiety-inducing.It’s important that prospective adoptive parents keep three main ideas in mind while waiting. First, do not allow anxiousness and impatience to interfere with common sense and sound judgment. It’s tempting to allo...

Ask the Adoption Coach: Meeting My Birth Daughter

Reader: Next month I am going to be meeting with my daughter that I placed for adoption, almost 20 years ago. We have met up once before, but in a room with 4 other people. This time it will be just her and  me. I am nervous, but excited. I would love to get an idea of what type of questions adoptees have for their birthmothers, so I can be prepared! I have a scrapbook filled with letters and cards that I received while pregnant, and a photo album filled with pictures up until she was 3, on...

Ask the Adoption Coach: Bonding With Your Adopted Child

Reader: We have 3 biological children and adopted a girl from Ecuador a year ago. Bonding is going slowly. It’s going slower for me than I anticipated, but even worse for the kids. They argue a lot, keep track of others wrongs and annoying habits. They compare almost everything—who has more of this or that. Sometimes they are just plain mean. It goes in both directions, but mostly the bio kids to our new daughter. I have done a lot to make things as equal and “fair” as I can with all 4. I went e...

Ask the Adoption Coach: Breastfeeding Your Adopted Child

Reader: I’ve heard that it may be possible for an adoptive mother to have a breastfeeding relationship with her child to foster bonding and attachment. Can you give me some idea of how one would go about this? Is it necessary for you to have given birth or nursed before? If it turns out you can’t lactate for some reason, can you still have a nursing relationship? Any information you can provide would be greatly appreciated!Adoption Coach:Dear Reader:Thanks for approaching this topic. Many prospe...