Dear Expectant Mom,
Thank you so much for taking time to
learn about us. We don’t know you yet, or what it’s like to be you right now, or
to have to make the decisions you have to make. Whatever you might be feeling
as you read this, we hope getting to know a little about us, and seeing a
glimpse of what your child’s life would be like with us can give you assurance,
comfort, and hope.
We are Michael and Edmund. We met ten
years ago in Chicago and got married in 2013. Among the things that made it
easy for us to decide to spend the rest of our lives together included our commitment
to our families, our faith, and our desire to work in professions devoted to
nurturing people—Michael as a teacher, and Edmund as a pastor. Over the past decade,
we have stood by one another in good times and difficult times. During this
time, our reliance on one another’s love and support has only grown. When we’re
not at work, we like to spend time cooking for ourselves and others, hanging
out with our friends and family, gardening, traveling, going hiking and
camping, and keeping up with the demands of our cat, Maddie. We also like
music. Michael plays the piano and Edmund sings.
Edmund grew up in the South, and was raised
by a strong, single mom. In the absence of his father, the role of parenting
was also shared by his grandparents and uncle, as well as by his church
community. This influenced his decision to become a priest in the Episcopal Church.
He now works full time as the pastor of a church. Before this, Edmund served at
a church made up predominantly of people without homes, helped to start a
resource center offering tuition-free educational support to children and
families, and worked at a shelter for homeless kids. He has also worked in a
hospice and as a teacher in communities affected by AIDS in southern Africa.
Michael grew up in the Midwest with his
parents and younger sister. His mom was a nurse, and instilled in him at a
young age care and concern for others. Since his dad was one of thirteen
children, Michael grew up surrounded by a large extended family, including many
babies. He has over 30 first cousins! After college, he worked as a community
organizer and paralegal in a legal aid office fighting for the rights of those
in the public housing community and homeless community. He also served as a
counselor at an organization providing support to homeless LGBTQ young people. These
experiences inspired him to pursue a PhD in theology, and to become a theology professor.
It’s hard for us to express how much becoming
parents means to us, especially as gay people. We both grew up in places where
it was not easy being gay. We were both bullied in school. Although we came
from families where raising children was really important, and we dreamed about
being parents one day, neither of us saw any gay people with children, so we
assumed people like us could never be dads. While these experiences were
painful, they’ve also made us more sensitive to the struggles of others, and
given us understanding and accepting hearts, hearts we know will make us good
Thankfully, times have changed a lot
since we were kids, and it is now possible for us to fulfill our dream of
becoming parents. We have talked about having kids since the beginning of our
relationship. From very early on, we knew that for us, becoming parents wasn’t
a matter of if, but when. In the ten years since then,
family members and friends who know us well as individuals and as a married
couple have told us that we would be crazy not to become parents. We agree, and
we both have a strong feeling that now is the right time.
Here are the most important things we
want you to know about us as you try to find the best parents for your child. First
and foremost, we will welcome your child into a stable and loving home. Our
home is not a mansion, but it does have everything a kid needs to grow and
flourish, including a safe neighborhood that is racially diverse and full of
children. We both have stable jobs that offer us excellent benefits, including
medical and dental insurance. Both of our jobs also give us generous paternity
leave and flexible hours, which will make it easy for us to prioritize your
child, both in those first few critical months, and throughout their childhood.
In addition to having the two of us as parents, your child will be surrounded
by a supportive wider community, which will include our families, friends and
church. (In fact, knowing that we are in the adoption process, Edmund’s
parishioners are already signing up to babysit!) Since your child will be our
first—and also the first grandchild in our immediate family—they will be
lavished with love on every side. Finally, if you are a woman of color, we want
you to know that if you choose us to become the adoptive parents of your child,
we will continue to strengthen our relationships with people and communities of
color. Because they can share your child’s experience in ways that we cannot,
they will be able to help your child grow into a proud, self-confident woman or
man of color.
We know that you will always remain your
son or daughter’s mom, but we promise to do everything in our power to offer them
the same love and care you would. We would be honored and overjoyed if you
chose us for this responsibility.
You’re in our prayers as you seek the
best path for you and your child.
Michael & Edmund