Birth Mother Regrets: Learning to Let Go

They say the pain will go away. But this birth mother regrets her choice.“If they offered to give Cricket back, would you want him?”My mother asks me this every so often. She asked again after my last Skype call with Cricket—I think it had been a year since she last asked—a new record.In the past, I have always started my answer with a rambling paragraph about how it doesn’t work that way. They would never “give him back” and we have no legal claim on him. Even if they lost custody of him he wou...

Finding Balance in Open Adoption Relationships

When it comes to open adoption relationships, people are curious. Many have asked me, “What do you say to your kids’ birth parents?” Some are completely flabbergasted that I even keep in contact with them at all. They are the ones who normally follow up with, “That is so nice of you. Your kids are so lucky.”Those who are genuinely interested are typically those hoping to adopt or just want to learn more about adoption. Knowing what to say to your kid’s birth parents can be tricky. You probably h...

When Your Daughter Wants to Meet Her Birth Mom

My 4 year old wants to meet her birth mom.It came. The question I thought I would have a couple of years to prepare myself for came. While in the car, my 4 year old daughter expressed a desire to meet her birth mom. At bedtime a few days later she said her birth mother probably had to think really hard about which family would be right for her. She continued on to say that her birth mother picked the right family for her! That made me feel great! Then she asked again if she could meet her b...

What Does Adoption Mean to a Birthmother?

Adoption means many things to many people, none more animated than those in the adoption triad. What does adoption mean to me as a birthmom? This question has been rolling around without me realizing it until someone suggested I write an article about it. Even within the birthmother community, views and attitudes vary widely. Some I agree with. Some I disagree with. As a birthmom in a closed adoption for many years, I have my own perspective.What’s hard for people to hear is the sad side of adop...

Birth Mother Regrets: Learning to Let Go

This birth mother regrets her choiceThey say the pain will go away. But this birth mother regrets her choice.“If they offered to give Cricket back, would you want him?”My mother asks me this every so often. She asked again after my last Skype call with Cricket—I think it had been a year since she last asked—a new record.In the past, I have always started my answer with a rambling paragraph about how it doesn’t work that way. They would never “give him back” and we have no legal claim on him. Eve...