Will My Baby Hate Me If I Place Them for Adoption?

If you’re considering adoption, one of the most painful questions you may be asking is:

“Will my baby grow up resenting me?”
“Will they understand why I made this choice?”
“Will they think I didn’t love them?”

These fears are deeply human — and you’re not alone in feeling them.

But here’s what we’ve learned from years of working with adoptive families, adoptees, and birth mothers:

When adoption is done with honesty, love, and transparency — children don’t grow up hating their birth parents. They grow up knowing they were loved enough to be given a future.

Where This Fear Comes From

You may be feeling:

• Guilt about not parenting
• Worry that your child won’t know your story
• Fear of abandonment — for you and for them
• Heartbreak about being misunderstood

These feelings don’t make you unfit — they make you a mother who cares deeply about her child’s emotional future.

What Children Often Say About Their Birth Mothers

Many adopted children — especially in open or semi-open adoptions — grow up knowing:

• Their birth mother loved them enough to choose a stable, loving home
• She wanted more for them than she could give at that moment
• She didn’t disappear — she made a plan
• She gave them the gift of a full life

Some even say, “She gave me a chance.”

Of course, every child and adoption story is different. But the foundation matters — and your intentionality now can shape how they view your decision later.

How You Can Help Your Child Understand

You can create clarity by:

• Writing them a letter explaining your love and your choice
• Creating a keepsake or memory box
• Choosing an open or semi-open adoption to stay connected
• Asking your advisor how the adoptive family can honor your role in their life story

Your child doesn’t have to wonder who you are — and you don’t have to be erased.

What Open or Semi-Open Adoption Offers

Many birth mothers find peace in knowing their child:

• Will grow up knowing their story
• Can receive updates, photos, or even visits (depending on the plan)
• Will have parents who speak about them with love and gratitude
• Will never wonder if they were unwanted — because they’ll know they were chosen

Key Adoption Agency Considerations

The fear of being hated is a sign of love. But love — when expressed through thoughtful, supported adoption — leads not to resentment, but to understanding, pride, and healing.

Your child may not fully understand your decision right away. But over time, they’ll come to see it for what it is: an act of deep, selfless love.