Communicating With Adoptive Parents

The type of communication you will have with the Adoptive Parents will depend largely on the degree of openness in your adoption. If you choose to have contact with the Adoptive Family, now is the time to start building your relationship.

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In a closed adoption, no contact takes place between the Birth Family and the Adoptive Family before or after placement. You may still choose the Adoptive Parents but there will be no identifying information given other than necessary background and medical information.


In semi-open adoptions, Adoptive and Birth Parents may have limited talks, and may even meet before birth. Limited contact is planned after the adoption is finalized. Limited identifying information is shared. Written updates may be exchanged directly via email and text, or through a caseworker, agency or lawyer.


Birth Parents and Adoptive Parents in open adoptions have direct contact and identifying information about each other. Today, many Birth Parents and Adoptive Parents desire and agree to open adoptions.

If you choose to have contact, it is a good idea to start building a relationship with the Adoptive Parents now.

Since the majority of Birth Parents desire open adoption here are some tips for communicating with Adoptive Parents.


  • You should be comfortable to talk to the Adoptive Parents and know they will listen.
  • Be clear about what you want. Don’t assume they know how you feel.
  • Keep promises. If you don’t think you can keep a promise, don’t make it.
  • Be flexible. Sometimes the amount of contact and communication will fluctuate.
  • Be yourself. Share your emotions—both happy and sad.


  • Phone calls, FaceTime, emails and texts
  • Exchanging letters, photos, keepsakes
  • Online videos, Skype, blogs, social media
    A word about online sharing – To protect the privacy of all involved, clear guidelines for the types of information shared online should be discussed with the Adoptive Parents in advance.

It is a good idea to start building a relationship with the Adoptive Parents now. Like all new relationships, it might feel awkward at first. The important thing is to keep the lines of communication open. Learn about one another on a personal level outside of your adoption arrangement. Talk about interests, hobbies, favorite foods, music and movies. Discuss your hopes, dreams, fears and worries. Share the fun things and the hard things. Build a relationship that will last a lifetime.

Consider what seems right at the moment and be prepared to adjust the level of contact as your wishes and your child’s needs change through the years.

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