Frank and Jaya

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From Us to You

Dear Expectant Mother,

At this point, you may have read over dozens of profiles, or maybe we are your first. Where you are in this process, the decision you are making, and all the factors you are weighing must feel incredibly heavy. We want you to know we are here for you, not just now in this moment of decision making, but throughout and beyond the adoption process. Your story and your journey are still being written. This decision you are making and the fact that you’re even considering adoption is a reflection of your selfless love for your child. That’s nothing short of inspiring. We promise to honor this love and care you have for your child as a way to continue your legacy.

To us, the small moments matter the most in life. The big moments can be grand and extraordinary, such as going on a trip or achieving a milestone. But when we think back on our fondest memories it’s sometimes simple experiences such as the way our moms held us, how Frank hugs Jaya and tells her “I got you” when she’s overwhelmed, or the way Jaya looks at Frank sincerely in the eyes when she says “You are the most important thing.” We hope to share all of this and more with your child. We are not just promising to be there cheering on the big milestones and taking family vacations – we are also promising to be there for the everyday moments in life, whether they are joyful or hard. We think about the times when your child will face something challenging and heartbreaking in life. We will show up with kindness, compassion, and non-judgment by offering our wisdom, life experience, and listening deeply to what our child has to say. We will share our passion for nature, animals, growing our own food, cooking, music, and art with your child to inspire them to find the magic in life that brings them passion and joy as well. We will also bring stability and steadfastness to provide your child with a solid foundation for them to flourish.

What we love about our adoption journey so far is that this process has made us think so deeply about why we want to be parents and how we will approach this relationship. We started by asking whether we wanted to be parents in the first place, a privilege that is not always extended in all situations.  We realize that having a child is a way to grow our love, our family, and provide us with purpose in life. We both feel strongly that having a child who is biologically ours is not a prerequisite to having a deep, supportive love, as we both believe in chosen families and caring for our larger communities. But we want you to know we are also thinking about what our relationship with you will be. We think of you as part of our extended family. What that relationship might look like depends upon your needs and we are fully aware that these needs may change over time. What might be unique is that adoption is our first choice. Because this is our first choice, we have given this a lot of thought and consideration and we’re whole-heartedly excited.

To us, love is of primary importance for a deep and supportive relationship. What we can tell you, should you decide to honor us as parents of your child, is that we will love your child fiercely, unconditionally, and always.

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Why We are Choosing to Adopt

To us, family is everything. Family is about the people and loved ones who we choose to build a life with. Family is what gives us meaning in life. We deeply yearn for the chance to share our love, passion, and unyielding support with a child. As the years go by, adoption continues to be our first choice to grow our family. This is not our backup plan, but our ideal way to become parents because we believe love is thicker than blood and family is something you create.

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About Jaya, From Frank

Jaya is the most compassionate and empathetic person I have ever met. Between friends, family, and people she works with, she has a huge heart and deeply feels what other people feel. This quality makes her both very good at her job as a psychotherapist and the glue of our family. She’s always thinking three steps ahead to make sure everybody’s needs are being met. What initially attracted me to Jaya, though, is her fascination with the world. We were in college at the time and she was super excited about studying topics that I barely knew were things that could be studied. She has always been passionate about understanding the human experience through many views, from philosophy and psychology to art history, and listening to a wide variety of music. This passion for life will make her a wonderful parent, and I can’t wait to see her share it with our child.

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About Frank, From Jaya

You will never meet another person like Frank. He is one of the most intelligent people I know. Anything he sets out to do, he does well. Frank has earned two undergraduate degrees, a master’s degree, and a PhD. But what truly sets him apart is that he’s one of the kindest people I have ever met. He intentionally chooses to use his education and skill toward a career to help make the world a better place. He uses data science to address social inequities, the climate crisis, and the allocation of resources. He is also incredibly compassionate, gentle, and patient. He shows up for the people he loves in small everyday ways, such as making me tea in the morning, and in really big ways such as going out of his way to provide support to people in difficult times. I can’t wait for him to share his big heart with a child.

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Lifestyle

Our lifestyle reflects our values of family, community, and nature. We are goofy, affectionate, and deeply committed partners. There’s not a day that goes by without us laughing or snuggling.

We both work from home. Frank spends his work days computer programming and analyzing data, with help from our beloved bird who accompanies him in his home office. Jaya is a psychotherapist with her own budding telehealth (online) practice. Jaya’s practice focuses on supporting diverse individuals impacted by trauma. We get to spend lunch in the garden and afternoons taking short walks. In the evening, you will find us cuddling up on the sofa with a blanket and our sweet baby bird, Rocco. Being able to work from home means more time investing in our family – more time playing peekaboo with Rocco, more time dancing in the kitchen, and more time listening to records.

We also spend a lot of time with Jaya’s parents, whether it’s sharing a meal together or walking on the beach. They have been a constant source of support, strength, and love. They remind us that everyone’s life journey is unique and that it is important to cherish the wonderful love we all have together.

Because family is a central value of ours, we plan to always have family around our child. In the first month, Jaya’s mom plans on staying with us. In the first year, we plan to accommodate our work schedule so our child is with Frank or Jaya throughout the week. After that, Jaya plans to continue working and caregiving part time. When Jaya is working, her mom or older sister will help with childcare. We want your child to know they will always have the love and support of family, no matter what they face in life.

Both of our jobs highlight our value of supporting our community, but even when we are not working, we both volunteer at a local environmental organization. It’s a wonderful way to meet people and spend time on something greater than ourselves.

What we are very excited to share with your child is our love of nature. Whether it’s through hiking, gardening, cooking, or being with animals, we love being in and around nature. One of our favorite outdoor adventures is a hike that climbs up a hill and through coastal shrubs and Torrey pine trees. We have a special spot on top of the hill where we sit and eat a snack while overlooking the ocean.

Our secret to happiness is finding joy in everyday things. Sometimes we’ll put on dance music when doing dishes, or turn TV time into a movie theater event with popcorn, speakers, and fun lighting. When we are together, anything can feel like the most exciting adventure. We are hopeful to share this secret with our future child, so they can also experience joy in life no matter where they are or what they are doing.

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What Becoming Parents would Mean to Us

The love of family, whether chosen, biologically related, or animal companions, is one of our strongest shared values and what makes life meaningful to us. Without a child, our family feels incomplete. Even though Frank was only able to share his first ten years with his mom before she passed, he distinctly remembers the tender love she had for him and the excitement to share her passion of music, reading, nature, and women’s rights. The experiences he had with his mom continue to inspire him and he’s hoping to share his tender love and his passion for music, nature, cooking, gardening, and social justice with his child.

Jaya’s relationship with her parents continues to evolve and deepen over time. They have shown her unconditional love and support even when they may not fully understand her. For example, when Jaya and Frank shared that they are choosing adoption as a way to grow their family, Jaya’s parents had trouble understanding their reasoning, but they continued to engage in discussion, ask questions, and read about adoption. Now they are the most excited about our journey and can’t stop talking about when they will become grandparents to this child. Jaya hopes to develop a deep, loving, and unconditional bond with her child like she has with her parents. She also hopes to share her life experiences, values, and joy of cooking, art, nature, and social justice with her child.

We can just imagine the Saturday mornings we will have with our child, making a mess in the kitchen while flipping pancakes, or the many hikes we’ll go on, sharing our reverence and amazement of the natural world. We even envision the hard conversations we’ll have about life with our child where we will try to share our wisdom and support but most of all let them know they are never alone.

The ways in which having a child will enrich our lives are immeasurable and almost indescribable. What we do know is that having a child is a gift that will provide us meaning, purpose, and a type of love that is unmatched.

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Home & Neighborhood

If you were to take a walk in our neighborhood you would see a green, grassy park stretching for miles, sprinkled with tennis courts, swimming pools, and play structures, all nestled in between rows of houses. We are also walking distance from the elementary and middle school our child would attend. During the day we often see families playing soccer on the grass, couples walking their dogs, and folks picnicking.

Our three-bedroom, two-bath house sits on top of a gentle hill that overlooks an unobstructed view of the mountains. We often get welcomed visitors in our yard like birds, bunnies, and squirrels. In wintertime we usually see two owls sitting in the trees hooting at us, while the summer brings a weekly visitor of an egret who we endearingly named Edgar.

When we are wanting to get out of our home, we either head to the hills for a hike or to the ocean, which is only a 5 minute drive. We live in a fairly coveted beach city and are lucky to have miles of sandy beach. The local downtown is bustling with a beachy, California feel. We love stopping by our local gelato or taco shop for a snack.

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Racial & Cultural Diversity

As an interracial couple ourselves, we understand the heaviness of the legacy we carry in navigating a multiracial, multicultural family. We are both active in addressing racism in our communities. Part of Jaya’s specialty as a psychotherapist is supporting clients from multicultural and racial backgrounds. Because of all of this, we don’t take transracial adoption lightly. We know you are entrusting us with supporting your child for all that they are, which includes their race, history, lineage, and culture. We vow to uphold your child’s own racial and cultural background and to make efforts to connect them to people and communities of similar backgrounds. It’s important for a child to be able to see themselves in other people and to be uplifted by their own racial and cultural communities.

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Our Families & Friends

One of the reasons why we chose to settle down in Southern California is to be in the proximity of some of our closest family and friends. We are lucky to have people in our life that have supported us through all the ups and downs. Some of our friendships have lasted from childhood and now feel close like family.

We live just 10 minutes from Jaya’s parents and older sister, who often come over for tea in the backyard or for dinner with a grand view of the moon rising behind the mountains. Every week, we also go to dinner at Jaya’s parents’ house. Most importantly when we need comfort, advice, or wisdom, Jaya’s parents are the first people we reach out to.

Jaya’s mom is preparing for the arrival of our new family member by sharing parenting advice, input on what baby things we will need, and helping design the baby room. She also plans to spend the first month after the baby’s arrival at our house to provide support for both us and the baby. She is very excited to be a grandmother and desires to build a close bond with the child. Jaya’s dad is helping by talking through the logistics and sharing stories of his parenting journey.

On Frank’s side of the family, we are closest to Frank’s maternal aunt. She resides in Florida, but we have regular video and phone chats with her. Frank’s aunt is always encouraging us to follow our passions and trust that this journey will work out.

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Our Relationship with You

We know the complexity of considering adoption is immense, and this is a journey that we may not fully understand. But we promise to provide you with non-judgmental support and compassion as you navigate this. We are open to a range of possibilities for our relationship with you. We know that each birth parent’s wants, desires, and situation are different, and therefore are committed to finding a dynamic that supports us all. We are also open to our relationship changing and evolving over time because we understand your needs and wants might change with time. We will always be a phone call away to help you figure this out, should you want that. Whether you want little contact such as a text or email with only highlights, or you wish to be more involved and have video chats and visits, we will be there to support you because to us, you are a part of our growing family.

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Family Traditions

Our many traditions allow us to savor the big and small magical moments. We also experience a great sense of belonging because many of these traditions are unique to our family. For example, on a foggy Sunday morning, you will find us cozy in our pajamas, sitting in the living room with a hot cup of tea or coffee, playing our favorite Norah Jones album on Frank’s beloved record player. There’s something special about the little scratches on the album that remind us of all the times we have listened to it before. A recent tradition we have started is baking scones on stormy nights. Storms are infrequent where we live, so it becomes an exciting event for us. Since the back of the house is all windows, we get an upfront view of the storm rolling in as we stay cozy by the oven.

On top of the many smaller traditions we have, November and December entail two big celebrations: Diwali, also known as the Festival of Lights, and Christmas. Diwali night is spent with family sitting around the dining table dressed up in traditional Indian clothes. Before we dig into the food we spent all day preparing, we reflect on our personal achievements because Diwali symbolizes the triumph of good over evil. Christmas is a month-long extravaganza which culminates in Christmas Eve’s family game night, which usually involves an epic game of scrabble where Frank and Jaya’s mom duke it out for the title of scrabble champion. On Christmas Day, Frank makes his famous frittata and cinnamon buns (Jaya waits for this all year) as a way to honor the memory of his late mom and as a gift to Jaya’s dad who loves brunch.

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Our Promise to You

Without you, none of this would be possible. We would not be able to grow our family in this way, or have someone to share our passion, wisdom, love, and life lessons with. Regardless of the reasons that led you to adoption, we know that your choice is a reflection of selfless and immeasurable love. We will carry that love within us, not in a way that replaces you but that continues to honor your legacy.