Camilla

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From Me to You

I feel like I already know you.  I know that sounds silly and new-agey, but it’s not entirely out there, mostly because I think about you a lot and what you are considering.  You’re already one of the most courageous and loving people I know.  Even if we’ve never met.

You’re doing something remarkable, and I feel that we were supposed to do this together.  I couldn’t possibly begin to understand what you are going through, but I hope you feel that there is someone, me, on the other side of this who is waiting for you and your baby.  You have to understand that you are just as important to me as your baby is.  Your life and life story are what created your baby and I don’t take stories lightly.  I am a writer and I believe that words and stories heal and lead the way.  And here we are.

I have always wanted to adopt; I have never even tried to conceive. I always knew I could get pregnant, but if I do it with someone else, it has to be someone I really trust and who I feel could be a father and I never felt that I met that.  Not because they were bad people.  They were just not the right person.  Rarely do people take the time to feel if they are a solid person and that’s the big tell. I have come to that place.  So, I have purposely stayed single for a while to make room for a baby. I feel that You, Birth Mom, are a seriously solid person for making this choice for your baby.

I have had a lot of life to live before I could become a parent.  I had to create a big life and lots of memories so I could create the foundation for having a child.  And I have.  Big life, big memories. But I don’t feel like creating any more adventures without a child to share them with.

I’m also very much a “mom” with my friends, which is sort of not cool. 🙂 I’m the one people call when they want advice or to know that “everything is going to be OK.” And I really enjoy that.  I love giving back of what I have been given in this life.  Giving back is how you keep it. I have mentored a lot of young girls and whatever advice you give is often the advice you need to hear yourself. I guess that’s how God works.

I have two big careers now, but I can do both of them, mostly from my desk.  It’s really perfect for having a child, because I’m basically home all day.

Speaking of being at home.  I love being in my home.  I love decoration, redecorating, changing, moving, making space, filling space.  I can’t wait to welcome your child to my home.  I have a feeling that there will be “art” everywhere. I have even set up part of my home as an “art studio” where large canvas painting is seriously encouraged.  Even by very small people.

Your child will travel a lot.  Most of my family is in Denmark.  Some in Dubai.  I feel like I’m a global citizen and your child will be, as well.  I’m sure he or she will be bi-lingual very quickly. I’m looking forward to traveling together.  I heard flying with a baby is a lot of fun!  🙂

The most important lesson I would teach your child, first and foremost, is that the world is a safe place. “Discipline” sounds so harsh, but “discipline” is also something you can perform and get good at.

So as you may be able to tell, I think of you a lot and you might be the most important person in my life right now.

Lots of Love,
Camilla

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About Me

I was born and raised in Denmark. I went to acting school in London, but came to America when I was nineteen to work and I haven’t left.  I came out here as an actress and stayed to become a person, if that makes any sense.  I got to do really fun things as an actress, but writing is where my heart is.  My biggest problem is that I like to do a lot of different things, but that’s actually a really nice problem to have.  I’m multi-passionate, as someone I follow on social media says. I like to have a couple of businesses to feel safe and also because some of my hobbies have become careers, which, contrary to popular belief, doesn’t take away from the fun of them.  I have had a very rewarding and exciting life here. I’ve gotten to do what I wanted to do and met people from so many different walks of life. I have always had a lot of amazing people around me and we all watch out for each other, which I appreciate, because I have always been very independent and know my own mind.  I’m kind, funny and smart, if I have to say so myself, and I look for the same in other people.  There has to be depth to people and there has to be a whole lot of laughing.  I love design and style, but believe beauty comes from your soul.  I have a very strong work ethic.  I honestly don’t know how to give up, which some would call “stubborn.”  I call it “tenacious.” 🙂

I dance.  It’s something I did as a young girl and stopped for a long time and picked up again in the last few years.  It makes you so freaking happy.  I work out.  I do Pilates and hike.  I think dance, sports and movement of any kind is necessary for your body and your mind.  I am not a fanatic, however.  That’s not fun.  I just like to feel alive.  And it keeps you young.  It’s the easiest way of staying well.  I love good food, as well.  I was always strongly encouraged by my parents to try everything, literally every kind of food, which at one point gave me a very expensive palate.  I think they really regretted that. 🙂  I’m just more of a fresh and healthy food person now.  But not against dessert.  Food and body can be such a battleground.  I’m very pro “peace with your body” and the enjoyment and nourishment of food.

I love socializing.  I’m a huge talker.  I always have something to say.  I would say I’m a good listener as well, and have learned to discern what I listen to and what I don’t listen to.  It’s funny, because when you really listen, you really learn who is worth listening to and what to take in and what not to, right?  I love going out to lunch and dinner, hosting parties and readings, visiting galleries, markets, movies, but I’m definitely someone who loves home and being home.  That’s also because I like reading, painting, writing and watching a good show.  No matter where I live, I have to have a strong sense of home.  I can be a bit of both a caretaker and entertainer.  The trick is to know what to take care of and what to entertain.  I think I have really learned that difference.

I’m a storyteller by nature.  Acting was a huge part of that and writing, even more so.  But just living your life is storytelling and in a good story, things happen.  Not always things you planned or even like, but it’s how you deal with them that is such a huge gift.  I say question everything and surrender to what you love.  Also, I’m a huge animal person.  Especially dogs.  I love my dog.  I’ve always had animals.  I had a wolf for a long time.  Yes, I can train a wolf.  I will not, however, be having anymore wild animals.  I promise.

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Why I'm Choosing to Adopt

The reason I am choosing to adopt is that I have always wanted to.  It’s really the only answer. I also knew there was a time and place for adoption, and I wanted to feel that I had nothing but space and love to be a mother. I have never had fertility problems.  I just have always wanted to have a child.  In any of my long-term relationships, I didn’t really feel there was anyone I knew I could have a child with.  I can be an over-thinker, but I really don’t think that’s bad in this situation.  I also always felt that adoption just comes with more love.  Does that sound hokey?  I hope not. There is a birth mother choosing me to raise her child. To me that’s almost more sacred than anything I can think of.  I think adopted children come into the world with double love.

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My Home

My home is in Southern California.  It’s really pretty.  I renovated a 1938 house and it’s such a good place.  I have the most amazing view of the city from my front deck.  It looks like a poster.  I have a great back yard with fruit trees, grass and lots of places to hang out.  It’s in a very trendy neighborhood, which can be very entertaining.  But better than that, it’s in a very diverse neighborhood.  It’s truly one of the few neighborhoods that really reflects what a melting pot the area is and how that’s one of its greatest strengths.  It seems that everyone has a dog on my street and a lot of people have young children.  There are a lot of great restaurants, cafes, farmers markets, vintage markets and stores that you can actually walk to and on my street there is a lot skate boarding, because it’s on a little hill.

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My Family

I’m very close with my family.  They live in Europe, but they come here a lot and I go there a lot.  I’m pretty certain that when I have a child, they will come and never leave.  I have a brother who is amazing.  He has a wonderful wife and two great sons.  They are really the best thing ever in my life.  I’m so grateful to be an aunt to them.  In Danish there are two different words for aunts depending on whether they are on your mother’s or the father’s side.  For the father’s side it’s “faster,” which I think is really funny.  My sister-in -law’s sister is a very close part of our family, too.  She lives in Dubai with her Egyptian husband.

My friends are a sort of family as well.  I feel very grateful that I have a lot of long-term friends.  People always say that Southern California is a shallow place, but I have to say that the people who are in my life are anything but shallow.  My friends are also from pretty much everywhere.  They are from all over the U.S and a few are from Europe and Africa.

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My Lifestyle

A lot of my hobbies have turned into careers. I was an actress and writing was my hobby. Now writing is a career. A great one. I have always been obsessed with style, design and real estate and now I renovate and design houses. I paint. I wouldn’t call that a career, but I have been offered money for my art, but I am too attached to it. Which is crazy. I sometimes design my own clothes, because I love fashion. I’m not necessarily great at it, so I tend to wear what I buy and not what I make. But I am determined to get better. I love going to museums and seeing castles when in Europe. I used to be so bored by this when I was a child, but then I ended up studying art history in college and writing a thesis. I love art. I love podcasts. I love walking in the hills and outside. Anywhere I go, I have to be able to walk around. I love travel, as you can see, and I love great food and good company. I love a good beach retreat. Renting a house and getting sand between my toes. I love exploring the desert and the mountains. I ski. And I dance. It’s my way of connecting to my body. A home dance party never hurt anyone.

So, I am a writer. It’s sort of what I was born to do. As I mentioned, I trained as an actress and loved it, but as a writer, you can always create. You don’t have to wait for someone to give you permission. I can’t not write. I remember when I was a little kid and I learned to read and write. I basically thought I had superpowers. I still sort of feel like that. And when I learned to read and write in other languages, forget it, I was convinced I was a superhero. I love creating content and building social media where I can continue to create commerce and joy. It’s really an amazing tool if you know how to use it and not abuse it.

I also have a side career where I buy old houses and restore them and rent them out. It has been a very fun business. Both careers require a lot of work, but I love that. I can do it all from home, except when I have to go and see a house. I also work with other people to create a great home environment.

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Family Traditions

I’m big on traditions.  I love marking meaning. What I’m trying to say is that I love Christmas.  I do.  I like holidays.  Even holidays that I didn’t grow up with.  I love when people of other cultures invite me to spend their holidays with them.  I love the idea of coming together to honor coming together.  I was raised Christian.  My family is not practicing, but we observe all holidays. All of them.  Christmas, Easter, Whitsun, anything that got the family together.  I am probably the more “believing” of any of us.  I like the idea of prayer and meditation, in a way to say: “good morning” and “good night” to the day and a higher power.  That’s my own personal tradition.

What I will Tell your Child about You

I will be sure that you are someone your child knows of from day one. Someone they can call by their name and know. I love how birth mother and mother are phrased. It makes so much sense. Whether near or far, you are someone who loved your child so much that you made this decision. Your child will always know who he or she is. It will be up to you how much you want to be known. I can’t imagine what you are going through, and I hope you would tell me how you see it.

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What I will Teach your Child

I love the question of what I will teach my children. I will instill an idea in them that anything within the realm of God and this earth is possible. I will teach them that they are safe to be who they are in this world. That their voice is important and that they are important. That it’s OK to push yourself, but only if you know how to be kind to yourself. Kindness to other people is paramount, but not at any cost. I don’t mean to be unkind; I just mean that I will teach them how to remove themselves from people who are not kind to them or mean. I want them to be able to decipher what might be best intentions, but what’s not good for them. I will teach them that they are smart, beautiful, capable, lovable and strong. That strength doesn’t mean not asking for help. I will teach them how to start and end the day. I think prayer and meditation and talking about the day are paramount to a great life. Not just a good life, but a great life. Most important to me is that I teach them about cultures. Their own and others. It enriches the world. One of my favorite quotes is by Anais Niin in which she says: “We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.”

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Education

I loved learning. I was one of those kids. I always had a ton of friends, but I also liked to be alone and just read and learn. I will teach your child how to learn. I think we are so obsessed with what they learn that we forget that learning is also something you have to learn. I will send him or her to great schools. It’s of utmost importance to me. I will teach them that they can fit in anywhere or not fit in and be fine. I loved not fitting in. It never made me feel outside and I never lacked for friends. The most important thing to me is that they are taught about the culture they come from and the culture they live in and the cultures they might encounter. I research schools a lot and the best places for kids to grow up. Where I live is so important to me. Is it a neighborhood and community that prioritizes the well-being of a child and offers more than just a standard education?

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My Relationship with my Parents

I actually have a great relationship with my parents. They have had to put up with a lot because I was so independent, but they actually taught me that :). They have been happily married for a long time. I say happily married and it sounds like such a cliché, but my parents are actually a couple who like each other. They care about each other. They are both very smart and accomplished and like hanging out together. They are very easy to be around. We have a closer relationship, I think than some people who live around the corner from each other. I see them often. Either I travel to Denmark, or they travel here. My family had to surrender to the fact that we have very global lives, but that we always each have a home base. We have all lived in several different countries, but always maintain a closeness. I talk to my mom almost every day. I think I get investment tips from my dad more than every day 🙂 I talk to my brother and his family everywhere and when I see my parents, I tend to see my brother and his family, as well. We are all very close and make sure that we connect and check in.

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My Personality

It’s really hard to answer this question, but I am very strong. I’m not tough. Just very strong. Even when I don’t want to be. I have had to learn to be more vulnerable and not care what people think. The best people like it. I am very certain of my abilities, but I think I have spent a long time downplaying them, because I am in a business that can be very male dominated. Well, that has changed. I know now that I can be me and still work and set boundaries. I can be both the life of the party and the writer quiet at her desk for several days. When I’m present with someone, I am very present, which I think, as much as people say they want people to be present, it can be unnerving. But it’s a great way to weed people out. I am very loving in relationships and with friends, but I don’t suffer fools. I’m not mean about it; I just don’t want bad vibes in my life. Especially as I am preparing to be a mom.

I have been told that my brain works in funny ways. Sometimes when I express myself, which I do a lot, I always have a different take. I have had the opposite problem of most people. I’m insanely open minded. I like to hear all thoughts and stands. I have had to reel that in and really understand that I don’t need to listen to everyone. This is actually why I think I’ll be a great mom. I feel like I have done the people and communication research with myself, and I will be very good at teaching a child how to set boundaries and take care of themselves in situations.

I’m innately happy. When upsetting things happen, yes, I get sad or upset, but I think that’s appropriate. I think being able to discern what a feeling actually is, is very important.

I also get very excited about things. It’s usually when I have a creative idea. I think the creative spark is what keeps us alive. It doesn’t matter what you do, artist, actor, accountant, doctor, lawyer, or waitress. There is always a creative spark that moves you to create a lot of fun in your life with just that. Life should be fun and happy. If it’s not, there is something that needs fixing.

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How a Child will Enrich my Life

A child will enrich my life endlessly. They are who is missing in my life. There’s a huge open space waiting for them. There are parts of life that I want to experience that you can’t do without having children in your life. I already know from just preparing for this that what starts coming into your life when you start the process of adopting a child is already so much better than anything that was there minutes before. You can allow your thoughts to get deeper, about what you want and what you want from becoming a parent. Your child will be a gift to my soul, and I know that I will be a gift to his or hers. Gifts are not always easily unwrapped. The best ones aren’t. That’s because time was taken in finding it, creating it and loving it. You don’t want to tear through that. You want to savor it. A child is life. A child is pure love and life and that reflects through your life. I see that with my nephews and friends’ kids. They have added so much good to my life A child will expand my heart. More than anything.

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My Promise to You

My promise to you is that your child will be loved and taken care of and that he or she will have a very multi-cultural life with a lot of love.  Culture and race will always be honored and celebrated.  They already are in my life.  I can’t tell you how much happiness and excitement there is from my family and friends for me to adopt.  We talk about you a lot, even if I don’t know you yet, you are someone we talk about and always will.  I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I promise you that there is a safe haven on the other side of this. For your child and for you. I will always do what’s best for your child.  I know he or she will have their own personality and I will act accordingly.  I will encourage personality, culture and having a voice. Love will always be the only answer.  There will also be a lot of joy.  An embarrassing amount of joy. Your child is so beyond wanted. I don’t know what kind of relationship you would want to have with me, but I would hope that your child could know you as their birth mother and decide more from there.  It’s OK if you don’t know yet.  The only thing I know for sure is that we will figure this out.  I just know that our hearts are big enough for that. I can’t wait to meet you!