Joshua and Shadi

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From Us to You

Dear Expectant Mother,

Thank you for taking the time to read our letter. We’re sure this process is daunting and you’re filled with inner turmoil and flooded with emotions in a manner that we may not fully understand. However, if you have decided that it’s in the best interests of you and your child to find them a caring family who will love them unconditionally and treat them as their own, we are grateful and count ourselves as blessed that you are considering our family.

We are a family of three as we already have a biological daughter who is five years old, named Daniella “Dani.” Adoption is not an alternative for us, and as far back as when we first met, we both agreed that adoption was something we wanted to pursue. Our family has a lot of love to give and we want to provide a good home to a child. Our daughter appears to have inherited the same desire. Having discussed our plan to adopt with her, she has been giddy with excitement. She can’t wait to have a sister or a brother, asks about it daily, and often imagines out loud all the fun things she’ll do with her new sibling. We often wonder who is more motivated?!?!

To give you an idea of what our lives are like, we work from home with the exception of short occasional business trips (granted the business trips have stopped during COVID). We are part owners of a college and Josh oversees the college’s management part-time, from home. Shadi also works part-time as an interior designer which she is phasing out as the college has become a solid source of financial support.

COVID did not change our lifestyle too much, except that Dani is now tutored at home three days a week rather than attending school. Education is important to us. We want to give our children the tools to choose any path they want and to succeed. Dani is a social butterfly in every sense of the term, and now that she doesn’t get to see her friends at school due to COVID, we try to fill the void as much as we can with lots of family activities. There is a park nearby where we all run around and play together on the jungle gym and swings, at home we do puzzles, take our places in her imaginary jaguar family (this requires a lot of roaring, crawling on our knees and sneak attacks), have lots of movie nights, and visit Grandma and Grandpa for BBQs.

We definitely go all out for the holidays. We are like the Griswolds during Christmas, without the chaos. We even go out of our way to travel to Europe for their famous Christmas markets from time to time (it’s hard to beat all the sights, sounds, giant warm pretzels, bratwurst, and hot chocolate). We all dress up for Halloween, have huge Thanksgiving dinners, and pay homage to the Easter Bunny. But the biggest “holiday” of all is Dani’s birthday and we go all out with bouncy houses, face painting, balloon animals, lots of decorations and food. It’s almost as if we don’t have a choice, Pinterest makes us do it! All of our children will get the same treatment, and we can’t wait to have an additional birthday party to celebrate every year.

I hope this helps you envision your child in our family. Our family is our life and we can’t wait for it to grow.

Again, we can’t fully understand your position and the decision you are faced with, but we have family who has walked a similar path. Josh’s sister decided to place one of her children with an adoptive family 23 years ago. Her biggest regret was not being allowed to meet with the adoptive family or being given updates to know if she made a good decision for the child. At the time, open adoptions were not common. Please know that we will be open with your child about their adoption, about you, and about your desire for them to have a wonderful life. We look forward to speaking with you and discussing how best to share their life with you.

Thank you for your consideration,
Josh & Shadi

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About Shadi

I think about Shadi in everything I do because she is the foundation of my life. She is what I think of when I think of home, when I am lonely, when I think of the future, and when I think of love. Daniella and I rely on her every day. As they should be, her contributions to our lives are offered automatically, consistently and without hesitation. She means more to us than she’ll ever know. She is a wonderful role model for me and for Daniella. Whatever she commits to, she gives it her all, and she has committed to her family, however the family is comprised…be it children, husband or dogs. Although if we are giving priority, I may fall behind the dogs, and…. I’m ok with that. 😉

If I had to identify a guiding principle in her life, it is “fairness”. She identifies unfair treatment in our extended family and other daily interactions instinctively and fights for its correction unreservedly. Because it is so inherent in her make-up as a person, her greatest qualities of love and compassion are guided by it, meaning, her love and compassion are not unequally given. If you are part of our family, then the love, patience, and understanding you receive from Shadi will be equally abundant and available to all, except . . . maybe . . . when she’s playing Woodoku. That’s part of her newly found “me time”. Her parenting is without comparison. She wants the best for her family, wants us to appreciate how blessed we are, and wants us to have a sense of obligation to push ourselves to be better and more socially responsible people. It is hard to ask for more.

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About Josh

We met during our first year of law school and it was love at first sight. I instantly knew he was different, and quickly discovered he was everything I had wished for in a partner. Josh has such a great energy about him…he’s calm, friendly, supportive, brilliant, caring and really funny. We instantly became inseparable. We are just the right amount alike and the right amount different. We have pretty similar views on almost everything important and we love to explore new things and places together. We balance each other out really well as he’s more introverted than I am and likes to be more of an observer in social situations, whereas I’m extroverted and like to socialize as much as possible.

Josh is definitely an “old soul” in that he’s comfortable in his own skin and exudes confidence and assurance. He always makes me feel like I’m safe and that everything is going to work out. He doesn’t sweat the small stuff like I tend to, so his outlook has a very calming and assuring effect on me. He works hard to provide for our every need and takes very good care of us. Watching him with our 5-year-old daughter Dani is heart-warming (and often hilarious) because he plays with her as if he’s entertained children his whole life. He takes on imaginary personas to entertain her (fake accents and all) and she gobbles it up. He’s definitely the “fun one” and she can’t get enough of his tickles and hugs. He’s so effortless with her…fatherhood suits him so well.

I always say that marrying Josh was the best thing I ever did because he truly is my everything and because without him, all the good wouldn’t exist. He gave me Dani and we have built a beautiful life together. I don’t ever want to imagine a life without him in it.

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Why We Are Choosing to Adopt

The desire to adopt a child was one of the wishes we had in common long before we were married. We waited to start a family until we had met some self-imposed requirements with respect to emotional readiness, good health, and financial stability. Although we were blessed with our biological daughter in 2015, our desire to add to our tribe through adoption has only grown stronger. Having our daughter Daniella has enhanced our mental and emotional commitment to adoption. We knew before Daniella, and know better now, that raising a child is an immense responsibility. The obligation of preparedness with regard to someone else’s biological child imposes a far greater responsibility, one we are more than ready for.

Having Daniella has made us good parents and has instilled the patience that comes with having raised children. She has increased our capacity for empathy and has grown our affection for all children. So while we always wanted to adopt, our desire and preparedness for adoption has increased exponentially since the birth of our daughter. Our daughter Daniella is eagerly awaiting the arrival of her little brother or sister and often daydreams out loud about the fun things they’ll do together. As beautiful as our current family dynamic feels, we know that we have a lot of love to give and that we really want another child to love and care for.

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Our Lifestyle

We have been blessed to achieve some of our work related goals over the past few years, and have, with the help of some truly amazing employees, developed a business that can be managed part-time and at a distance.

We strive for balance, not really between work and home life, as we have already made great strides in that direction and are currently committing only half of the work week to actual “work”, but between educational activities and fun, trying to merge them wherever possible. Our daughter Daniella is five years old and is working on mastering kindergarten skills with the assistance of a tutor, three days a week, piano lessons two days a week, and Mom and Dad filling in the gaps with other activities and assisting where she needs the most help. We have learned a lot about patience and managing our expectations around the learning process, knowledge that will greatly benefit our second child.

We try and balance Daniella’s education with fun activities such as family puzzles, memory games, visits to the park, days at the beach, visits with Grandma and Grandpa, bike rides, scooter rides, walks downtown to get ice cream, and other fun stuff. COVID has ushered in more family barbeques in the back yard complete with roasted marshmallows and fewer visits to our favorite restaurants.

Lastly, we are dog people. To us dogs are to be squished and cuddled, vigorously. We believe they can teach children responsibility, unconditional love, caring, and help them learn that animals have a need for love and friendship just like humans do. We recently lost our last of three dogs we had for the past 19 years and are working on finding another furry family member soon.

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Home and Neighborhood

We live in a quaint neighborhood with a charming downtown full of good food, a creamery with great ice cream, a pottery painting shop, a candle making workshop, and a candy store that is a local favorite.

People from all around come to our area for summer festivals where the downtown is closed to traffic, and vendors from all over the city come to sell delicious goodies and artistic creations. It is also a magnet for families at Halloween and at Christmas. On Halloween during the day, kids in costume from all over, come and walk the downtown in a gigantic line of thousands of people trick or treating at all of the local shops. At night they walk the neighborhoods, as it is one of the local hot spots for decorations, and the candy companies are grateful as kids from neighborhoods near and far come to collect bags full of sweets. At Christmas, the downtown and the neighborhoods are similarly enthusiastic and draw consistent streams of people to see the decorations lit up at night.

Our neighborhood is filled with old tree-lined streets with beautiful and charming homes. We have an idyllic brick home with a nice backyard for summer evening barbeques and a cozy family room with a fireplace where we can warm our feet and drink hot chocolate in the winter. Our neighbors are all people that are raising or have raised families. They are supportive, respectful, and come from a variety of experiences and backgrounds. We try and keep a healthy and happy home alongside others that value the same qualities.

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Our Families

We live in Northern California, about 15 minutes from Shadi’s parents. Shadi grew up here and has friends from every stage of her life in the area. Shadi’s family is Persian and embraces a warm culture that loves to celebrate. Shadi’s network of friends and family is large and comes together for gatherings of family and friends frequently. Their lives revolve around food, music, dancing, poker nights, and lively conversation. Dani thrives in this environment. Most of the Persians currently in the US immigrated in the late 70s and early 80s. They understand the challenges associated with integrating into a community and are welcoming and empathetic to others that are faced with similar challenges. Shadi also has a brother and two cousins and more extended family that live in Los Angeles. We visit them.

Josh’s family lives primarily in or around Denver, Colorado. His mother and father are divorced and remarried, which has had the effect of growing the family significantly on his father’s side. He now has two step-brothers and a step-sister, each married with multiple children. Josh’s sister is married and has one son. They all live in Denver and we visit once a year and spend a lot of time outdoors in the mountains, come together for big dinners, or, when visiting Josh’s mom, a lot of time is spent baking, immediately eating what we baked, and then repeating the process.

Josh’s sister along with friends of his step-brother have experience with adoption. Josh’s sister is a birth mother, and his step-brother’s good friends are adoptive parents twice over. These experiences have helped our family view adoption as something that serves a noble purpose and enhances family bonds.

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Family Traditions

We love to make a big deal about birthdays and holidays. We truly enjoy throwing full-blown “Pinterest-type” themed birthday extravaganzas. Our daughter is 5 years old and each of her birthday parties has centered around a different theme complete with ponies, face painters, balloon twisters, scavenger hunts, jumpy houses, elaborate decorations and custom cakes. We are overjoyed at the thought of having a second child we can celebrate with the same level of enthusiasm and creativity.

Christmas festivities at our home and throughout our extended family are filled with homemade goodies and decorated trees and mantles. When visiting Josh’s parents for Christmas, our family comes together to cut down a tree that we then decorate with Grandma’s handmade ornaments. We spend the days gathered around the fireplace watching Christmas movies and eating baked goods. When not visiting with family, we like to travel to various Christmas markets to take in the holiday cheer and to hunt for unique handmade decorations to add to our collection. Other holidays such as Thanksgiving, Easter and Halloween are celebrated with similar exuberance. Experiencing the holidays through the eyes of a child makes it a wonderful experience and worth all of the effort.

In addition to celebrations, we love to travel to new places and we and believe that it instills a greater tolerance and understanding of other cultures through gaining different perspectives. Between Shadi and Josh our family has seen a great deal of this world and intend to keep exploring. One of our favorite places to visit is Hawaii, where we eat large Hawaiian style breakfasts while spending the rest of the day swimming them off. It’s hard to beat this type of getaway with kids and we plan to revisit this vacation for years to come.

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Cultural Diversity

We genuinely believe in the benefits of cultural diversity, especially when experiencing diversity from a young age. Different cultures can be beautiful and strange but can instill fear if foreign to your common experience. Fear creates artificial barriers that interfere with a properly functioning society or a compassionate community. We intend to bring our children up in a household that marvels at the unique elements of other cultures and instill, at a young age, that other cultures and their differences should be exciting and intriguing and should make them want to learn more about the world and not shut themselves off from it.

We love to travel and, we think it is one of the best ways to experience cultural diversity first hand. It is also a great teaching moment for many different lessons, including how to recognize and respect local customs.

We also believe in teaching our children about different engines of culture like world religions, languages, geography, foods, celebrations, and history. There are so many materials available in the form of books, activities, and television programming that can provide cultural context and perspective that if you have a mind to promote diversity, it really isn’t that difficult to find ways to do it.

Lastly, we will respect your child’s race, ethnicity, and culture and use the tools and methods identified above to provide them with an understanding of their background, heritage, and find connections to local communities for direct interaction. We want them to be confident, proud, and respectful members of society. Knowing their race and heritage, connecting with a community of individuals with the same background, and gaining a better understanding of how others may view them will be a useful tool for their future.

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What Adoption Means to Us

We understand that we are approaching adoption slightly different than other hopeful families, in that we already have a daughter that we love immensely. We already know the joy of having a child and have experienced the wellspring of emotions that arise when you realize that this helpless little angel relies on you for everything, and that you are their whole world. We love that feeling and the responsibility that comes with it, as it has changed our lives for the better in every way.

For us, it doesn’t matter that your child isn’t our biological child. The same principles apply. We believe that an adopted child will enrich our lives in untold ways and make us stronger and more complete as a family. Our hearts are filled with the same excitement now as they were when Shadi first discovered she was pregnant. It is palpable, and we can’t stop envisioning all the amazing moments to come.

We know that, in life, the more observant you are, the more patience you offer, and the more effort you carefully supply to a relationship in a loving and caring way, the more you will see it pay off in the little humans you care for. This process is the most gratifying in all of life and we can’t wait to shower your child with the abundance of love overflowing in our hearts.

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Our Relationship with You

We want you to have confidence that you made the right decision in trusting us with your child. We will respect your wishes with regard to the role you would like to serve in our child’s life. Options may include sending you updates of milestones in writing with pictures and/or video clips, or phone conversations, video chats and even physical meetings.

Over 20 years ago, Josh’s sister placed one of her children for adoption. She has shared that she didn’t know enough about the adopting parents and never felt confirmation that she had made the right decision as she had no line of communication with the adopted parents and didn’t have the ability to check in on her child’s well-being. Unfortunately, open adoptions were not common back then. Although a closed adoption was a product of the times and the state in which the adoption took place, it was frustrating for her.

Our research has revealed that if an adopted child knows more about their mother, or more about both parents, it can help in a variety of ways relating to the mental and physical health of the child. It can also have a positive psychological impact on you, as their birth mother, and can enhance our relationship with our child as well. If you would like to develop a relationship with us, in whatever form you are comfortable with, we are open and would like to discuss the possibilities with you.

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Our Promise to You

First and foremost, we promise to love your child as our own, and to give them all of the love and support in the world. We promise to treat them with as much patience, compassion, and support as the other members of our family, and that we will guide their lives the best we can while respecting them as an individual, with their unique needs and dreams.

We promise that we will cherish the trust you place in us and will always act in what we believe to be the best interests of your child, with the goal that they are happy, loved, comforted and supported so that they can become confident, compassionate, intelligent, and responsible members of society.

We promise that we will be honest with your child about you and your desire to do what you felt was best for them and their future and we will be fair and respectful when considering any desires you may have with respect to playing a role in your child’s life.