Eric and Lori

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From Us to You

Since we can’t have a dinner or share our stories in a casual context, we’ll do our best to present a written snapshot of us so that you can begin to imagine the family you’re helping create. We look forward to the days ahead when we can get to know each other more personally.

First, some specifics. We’re Eric and Lori, and Mr. Inches is our rescued terrier/basset hound mix, and we have been together for over eleven years. We got a late start together but have made up for it in every moment since.

I am going to tell you about my wife, Lori, first. She is the impressive one – a pediatric craniofacial and reconstructive surgeon. She operates on cleft lips and palates, burns, syndromic malformations, facial paralysis, bear attacks… all sorts of amazing feats on mostly underserved children and a few adults. Lori absolutely loves working with children and helping to improve their lives. Side note: she also wants to raise goats and make cheese. So someday she probably will do that too.

Mr. Inches, our dog, is a phenom. We write about him in a separate section, so I’ll save his magical charm for later reading.

I, Eric, am a writer – mostly television shows but I’ve dabbled in commercials, video game treatments, book adaptations– whatever I could get to make the rent. I mostly write from home which has allowed me to learn to cook, chronicle the adventures of Mr. Inches, and be the best husband I can be to my lovely wife. I too like goats, but I’m not so sure about being a farmer. You can guess where this will lead (hint: me milking goats in ten years).

In addition to being in love, we truly enjoy each other’s company and appreciate the wonderful life we have created together. Living in the Pacific Northwest has provided endless opportunities to wander the mountains, forests, rivers, and coastlines and we do that a lot. We traded Southern California’s sunshine for the abundant greenery and water of Oregon, and we love it. However, we’re still getting used to the seasons. We cook, we go to movies, concerts, baseball games, and to any and every museum. We both went to state universities, so we love college sports. We’ve traveled the world and road tripped the country. Through it all, we hang out with Mr. Inches and want to have a child we can share this life with and help to forge their own excellent adventure.

Like you probably feel right now, we are at a transition point in our lives. We understand there is nothing more important to us than the family we want to create, and we are gratefully looking for your help to do so. This is a huge moment for all of us, and for your unborn baby. We promise to offer unconditional love, stability, and guidance as your baby discovers who they are, where they come from, and who they will become.

We want to finish by thanking you. Thank you. Thank you. Regardless of whether you choose us – and we hope you do – you are going to make a couple of people parents. Something they too are probably wanting more than absolutely anything else. We know this is a big decision for you and we hope you understand, by having a better idea of who we are and why we are here, that you are making an amazingly positive contribution to the world. No matter who you choose, you are forever going to be part of a caring, sympathetic, and deserving family, and your child is going to be deeply loved. You are providing a wonderful life for everyone involved. So, thank you, again.

Most fondly,
Eric & Lori & Mr. Inches

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Why We are Choosing to Adopt

Our discussions about the family we would create have always included adoption. The plan was to have a child between us and, immediately after, begin the adoption process and hopefully bring a second child into our brood. Well, that didn’t work. We tried and we tried. Even though it might seem like we were being stubborn for not changing the plan as the years added up, we always thought the next cycle was going to be the one. So, not stubborn, just… foolish, because just as we were finally mixing up the plan, the pandemic came and the idea of having a family at all suddenly felt tragically out of reach. So now we are singularly focused on trying to adopt a baby. We are not taking anything for granted nor are we making any other plans. The upside of having these years behind us is that we think we have learned plenty about life to help your child make their way in this unpredictable world, no matter what comes. And we have bought lots of cool children’s room decorations over the years of traveling. Your child’s room will be awesome.

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About Lori, by Eric

It’s difficult to overstate what a remarkable human being Lori is, and frankly what anyone would write about her would look amazing on paper. But I want to focus on the person, the mom-to-be, while quickly acknowledging her career and her achievements because they really are amazing. After being raised in a loving, secure, and pretty ideal family setting with pets, lots of outdoor time, and travel, it seemed logical for Lori to stay close to home, like her brother has, and continue to enjoy the path her life was taking. However, Lori didn’t want that, mostly because the fit was never right – she wanted to find her own way. She wanted to challenge herself and put herself in new environments with new people, follow her own goals, and start experiencing life on her terms. She went on to study medicine and surgery. She is currently the head of the Pediatric Craniofacial and Reconstructive Surgy department where every day she helps children lead better, more fulfilling lives through her amazing surgical skills.

Based on her love of children, she is absolutely incredible with them. She brings out their natural joy, grace and charm, even in the shyest, most scared or most self-conscious patients. Kids light up immediately and open up to her: smiling, singing, dancing – behaving in ways their parents only see in their most private moments. This doesn’t surprise me, because as a partner, Lori lives with compassion, empathy and a lively spirit. There’s an even-keeled, upbeat, accepting vibe that Lori brings to the moment. She has an incredible sense of humor which serves her well with the demands of her job. And she has a real gift for including everyone in her life, bringing out the commonalities we all share despite the many different walks of life we may be taking.

Last, and certainly not least, Lori is a lot of fun. She finds the most fun things to do wherever we go and is always game to do whatever will make a moment more enjoyable for everyone involved. I thoroughly enjoy her company no matter where we are or what we are doing. I’m lucky to have a partner in life, let alone one as fun to be around.

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About Eric, by Lori

I first fell in love with my husband because he is debonair and urban and creative and a gentleman and brilliant and worldly and able to have a meaningful and engaged conversation with just about anyone. I saw our world together as exciting and ever-expanding and was so grateful to have finally met someone who had a thirst for life without a pre-scripted idea of exactly how it was supposed to go. And though those things are all still very true, I now know the deeper reasons why I love Eric and am so happy we found each other. He is honest and loyal, sometimes almost to a fault. He is the least judgmental person I know, and he never, ever gossips or says tacky things about anyone. He is passionate about his beliefs and principles, but also is a very gentle soul. He not only tells me the world is my oyster but makes me believe it and that the choice I have to make is just how to eat that oyster. He is such a good father to our dog, Mr. Inches – just ask him. He does all the things that make our lives together feel safe and secure and beautiful. All these traits will make him such a good father to your child. I can’t wait to hear the stories he will make up specially for them.

Eric is a writer and that is just the coolest thing. He has the confidence to pursue a career that has no guarantees, and he will continue to do so because there is no other path he would ever take. The worlds, stories, personalities and relationships he creates are formed from who he is and the experiences he’s had throughout life. These views have evolved organically through his exposure to the world that started with growing up with expatriate parents in Asia, then forming his extended family during his time at boarding schools in the US, then understanding what it means to study at a state university and finally, in his early 20s, heading to LA to pursue his artistic passions and build a career in screenwriting. It takes a strong and yet very sensitive soul to live as he has and he fills me and Mr. Inches every day with love, generosity and an expanded concept of the world around us and our place in it.

When I think of Eric as a father, it truly makes me emotional. He has such a generous and loving soul and I look forward to the day he can share that with a child. The world through Eric’s eyes is a true world, one that deserves to be explored and understood for all its faults and all its spectacular moments. Yes, he loves baseball and college football (we both do), but he also loves nature and cooking and debating and traveling and reading and being contained and quiet when I need to be. I feel very fortunate we met, and even more fortunate that we both have the vision and fortitude to walk through this world together. I am lucky to have a partner in life who fills me with such confidence and comfort and joy with his unconditional love.

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Lifestyle

We think we have a pretty great life (except for the lack of children part). If we’ve had a guiding philosophy, it would be balance and discovery. We’ve been able to explore the world and our interest in the outdoors quite a lot. We like to discover new things, and by that we mean things that exist that we have yet to come across rather than be on the front edge of technology or pop culture. Our very different careers and backgrounds complement each other’s in interesting ways, and we really enjoy going through life seeing the world through the each other’s eyes. Travel has always been integral to our lives – Eric was raised overseas in Asia and Lori’s parents made international vacations part of her life from an early age. We aren’t resort, big tourist destination type of travelers. We like to rent a car and discover the small towns and villages, explore new cultures and attempt to live life as if we were locals. That particularly goes for food. We’ve discovered searching for local places and eating the regional food may be our favorite part of traveling. It’s a great way to meet people and appreciate the world – which is precisely why we are there. It will be such a joy to have your child along on our travels, learning what foods and activities they love.

On the day-to-day level, Eric writes from home so his schedule can vary. However, it always includes breaks to take our dog, Mr. Inches, to one of the many nearby parks to hike around. Lori goes into the hospital for a least a few hours every day during the week and some days she works from home until the afternoon. We have dinner together (after often cooking together) – usually fresh, local food we get from farmers’ markets and regional shops (with the occasional take-out or date night exception) – we either watch a little television or read and then go to bed.

We are fairly new to the area so being in the Pacific Northwest still very much feels like an adventure. On the weekends we try to appreciate our surroundings as we would if we were traveling internationally: we head out to the mountains, the coast, or a new town within a few hours. We always take the long, back road route to discover hidden gems – Oregon is filled with waterfalls, country stores and obscure historical markers we love finding. We always stop at interesting looking restaurants and food stands. And we always, always take Mr. Inches. He loves an adventure. This desire to discover and share the moments we find is one of the fundamental things that brought us together and will grow and expand with your child’s input and involvement.

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How We Spend a Long Weekend

In addition to being in love, we truly enjoy each other’s company which particularly comes to light when we’re exploring new places – a must during any weekend but especially as a significant part of a long weekend. We’ve traveled the world, and hope to continue to do so, but we equally enjoy poking around the towns and communities surrounding us and the natural splendor of the Pacific Northwest. Throw Mr. Inches in the back seat and a full day of discovery awaits.

Living on the west coast has provided endless opportunities to wander the mountains, forests, rivers, and coastlines and, depending on the season, we rotate through the list. We recently bought a small motorboat to putter along the Willamette River and into its estuaries with the eagles, osprey and blue heron. We’ve taken up fly fishing but have yet to catch a fish. We will hit any and every farmers market we encounter and then cook up a meal of whatever seasonal haul we’ve landed. In the winters we ski on Mt. Hood.

With the pandemic somewhat under control we have gratefully returned to movie theaters and our city has some amazing old and grand theaters. We like to go to concerts, to baseball games, and to the Art Museum. We both went to big state universities so we love college sports and root for our alma maters during fall Saturdays. The summer is filled with long sunny days so there is plenty of time to cram a lot of activities into a weekend. We read (Eric reads a lot for work, Lori reads anything that has nothing to do with work). We wake up too early most days and try but fail to stay up late. And we always have Mr. Inches by our side. We think a child will really enjoy this life.

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Careers

We wanted to address this topic because it underscores the type of people we are and how we will counsel your child as they begin thinking about their career choices. Lori is a pediatric craniofacial and reconstructive surgeon. It’s a lot to say. But does not nearly convey the amount of arduous training Lori went through to be able to help children lead better, more functional and healthier lives. Unlike some people who apparently were born to do what they eventually made their career, Lori didn’t decide to go into medicine until her mid-20s because pursuing any money-making oriented job, which after graduating college with a business degree was the natural trajectory, felt fundamentally hollow and unfulfilling to her. Though this meant she would be training through medical school, two surgical residencies and two surgical fellowships into her late 30s to get where she needed to be, to feel like the person Lori wanted to be and to live a life of meaning she had to commit herself. Fixing cleft lips and palates, making paralyzed faces smile again, helping those who have suffered unfathomable traumas so they can return to their lives are just some of the amazing surgeries she performs now. And her choice to work at an academic hospital allows her to teach and train the next generations of surgeons and share the experiences she acquired from working at some of the best hospitals in the world. With all that she does however, and this is fundamental to her professional choice, Lori is also a well-rounded person with a lot of interests that she pursues away from medicine. The reason she chose to be surgeon was to have a meaningful life, not to be a medical professional.

Eric’s path to becoming a screenwriter did not involve nearly as much training but was not short of its own hardship. Trying to create a non-traditional career demands unwavering determination, persistent focus and day and night commitment. It helps to have very thick skin, which Eric does not, but he tries to take rejection in stride. He began working in the film business in the art department to make a living while he built his writing craft (at that point, a side hustle), steadily increasing his opportunities by selling scripts and developing producers’ ideas into stories until he could transition full time into writing. For him, the idea has always been to lead an interesting life that would in turn help direct the material he wrote. The more wide ranging his life experiences, the more perspectives and cultural viewpoints he could try to understand, the more books and newspapers and magazines he could read, the richer and more nuanced his material would be. He feels like working as a screenwriter is a way to forever be a student of the world. As we mentioned earlier, the sacrifices we both made to get to where we are in our careers have sadly not allowed us to have a family of own. Which was a cost neither of us really factored in along the way. We are no longer accepting that sacrifice. But neither of our paths were laid out for us, nor did we have mentors to guide our way. And Lori switched paths to go into medicine. We imagined that we could become these types of professionals and overcame (and continue to overcome) massive challenges to get here. It is with these understandings that we will counsel your child as they sort through their interests and begin looking into career choices.

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Our Dog

Mr. Inches is a phenom. We take him camping, skiing, hiking, cross-country road tripping, to the beach, to the store… pretty much everywhere. We can’t start our car without him attempting to jump into the backseat. He’s happily filled our lives as we’ve tried to expand our brood with little humans. And he’s definitely ready for a little human to befriend! He loves children and given his size (one foot tall and three and half feet long), they love him too. We rescued our shaggy little buddy from East Los Angeles where, apparently, he had been living on the streets eating bark off of trees. He still enjoys eating bark but that wild fellow hiding in the back of his shelter pen has become the sweetest, most cuddly, loving companion, and friend, we could ever have hoped for. A mix between a basset hound and a terrier (and probably a half dozen other breeds), Mr. Inches looks like a Muppet character and brings absolute giddiness and delight to anyone we pass in a park, on a walk, and everywhere we take him. We like to say that having Mr. Inches is what we imagine it was like to be in the presence of Buddha: he makes everyone lighten up, smile and feel a moment of carefree joy. It’s incredible to have him in our lives.

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Home and Neighborhood

We recently settled into a charming, woodsy neighborhood in the hills overlooking the city. We have a great view of the mountains and a nighttime panorama of the city sparkling at night. Coming from southern California we were instantly drawn to this Mediterranean home with its arched entryways and terracotta tile roof. We’ve even come around on the fact that it’s painted peach (or pink, really). It has a pair of extra bedrooms for a growing family, visiting relatives and friends and a separate living room that can function as a fulltime rec or play area. One of the biggest factors for us in choosing this home is that the neighborhood has one of the best elementary schools in the area and it is just a five-minute walk away. There are extensive hiking trails through the surrounding forests and several parks with play equipment, basketball and tennis courts and a baseball diamond within very close walking distance (enjoyed thoroughly by our dog, Mr. Inches, on his daily walks). The soccer stadium where the local MLS teams play is less than a two-mile walk – though the pretty steep uphill return makes us drive part way on most occasions. The hospital where Lori works is a ten-minute drive, so she often comes home for lunch or just to hang out with Mr. Inches. She can even take a hiking trail to the hospital if she’s feeling adventurous (it happened once). With everything we were looking for in the Pacific Northwest so close by, we believe this is an ideal spot for us to begin our family.

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Our Families and Friends

Lori is extremely close with her parents. They speak almost daily and visit four or five times a year (we also meet them in fun places annually – usually Santa Fe, New Mexico or at their farm in Texas). Eric’s mother lives near the coast of North Carolina and we visit with her, and some extended family on both sides in the mid-Atlantic region about once a year.

We have an extensive network of friends that spans the country. Lori trained at hospitals on both coasts as well as in Houston and Chicago, where we have met so many wonderful people and we have remained close, life-long friends with them. Having gone to boarding school on the east coast from a young age while his parents were working abroad, Eric grew up living with dozens of friends he now considers family. They have over thirty years of watching each other turn from young adolescents, to adults, to husbands and parents. We both feel our family is comprised not just of our genetic relatives, but this entire group of people. As recent transplants to the Pacific Northwest during the pandemic, we haven’t had the opportunity to meet too many people, but we wouldn’t really know it by the number of friends who have come to visit us. Also seeing the daily parade of young children being walked by their parents through our neighborhood to the elementary school, it is not hard to imagine meeting plenty of kids and parents when we make the same trek.

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What Adoption Means to Us

When we met through mutual friends, we incorrectly assumed we still had plenty of time to settle in. A very valuable life lesson learned, we are now gratefully looking for your help to make our family through adoption, our one and only priority. Adoption will create a wonderful new era for us, to finally be able to share our experiences, our values, and this life we have worked hard to create. We truly feel having a child will nourish and grow the best in both of us as we become parents. We have been wanting a family for such a long time but were too self-absorbed pursuing our careers, thinking that was what “stability” meant, that we were being “responsible.” We understand there is nothing more important to us than this bond we have and the family we want to create. And this was the point of all the hard work in the first place. We regret that it has taken us this long to figure it out, but that’s how life goes. At least ours. However, we are happy to say that understanding the “being responsible” rationale in this new way is going to make us better parents.

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What We Will Teach

We both believe that along with their desire to sleep, eat, poop and cry, children are born with an innate sense of kindness, goodwill and empathy. So, we’re going to double down on these birthrights and add in curiosity, interest, good humor, engagement, self-belief but hopefully not self-assured, generousness of spirit and open mindedness in thought, fun and fun-loving. We want to help raise an intelligent, global citizen who will have the courage and moral compass to do and be whatever they want, wherever they want and know that they are bettering themselves by bettering those around them, however that may shake out in the life they choose to create. One step at a time, however.

First, we want to raise a happy, secure, loved child through the early years of infancy and expose them to people, places, sights, smells and tastes that interest them in ways we will only later discover. Their childhood should be fun with an emphasis on education so that more opportunities will continue to present themselves on their own achievements. Adolescence should allow for more independence once they sense the foundation of their life is secure and they’re making headway on the opportunities they’ve created through education. They will hopefully be exploring all sorts of interests, the more varied the better, but that will be up to them, and hopefully their interests will lay the groundwork for the teenage years ahead. Soon enough they’ll be late teens and all bets are off. Ultimately, we want to help them become the best versions of themselves with as little nudging (or a lot, if needed) from us and all the lessons and experiences and triumphs and failures we’ve experienced. We’ve had plenty of all the above.

We understand that being adopted can sometimes open questions of identity at various points in their development. Our plan is to be nimble, offering grounded, unconditional love and support while they choose to explore the identity that will come from you. As they have graced us in the life we have created, we shall do the same – happily putting ourselves in whatever new environment where they need us to be.

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Family Traditions

Not to sound like a cop-out, but we are making our traditions as we go. We came from distinctly different places and families. Lori’s family hosted large, extended family gatherings over every holiday, welcomed Lori and her brother’s friends over day and night (even if Lori or her brother were not home), and celebrated every birthday, achievement and award as if it were a national event. Eric’s family, separated by his parents’ work overseas, would only see each other during summers and over winter breaks for most of his early life. Though it was always special when the family was together, there were far fewer gatherings, and a lot less celebration of any singular event (and completely different international holidays: Chinese New Year and Diwali, come to mind). Instead, they made something out of whatever time they had together.

The commonality between us, however, is that neither of us grew up in strictly religious households, but in families that celebrated universal kindness and inclusivity. Add this all up and our traditions have become the following:

• Our birthdays are two days apart, so we make a week- to a month-long celebration out of it that usually involves international travel; Cinco de Mayo is the made-up birthday for Mr. Inches, so it is a major celebration, too
• We strip the religion out of religious holidays but not the festivity, like Christmas, and give thoughtful gifts to those we love, and recognize several other holidays that our Jewish, Muslim, and other religiously oriented friends follow if they want to get together.
• Thanksgiving is a time to be with friends if family travel is too difficult, but ideally, we do both
• We try to remember and celebrate our role as citizens of the world as well as Americans during patriotic holidays like Memorial and Independence Day
• In autumn we watch college football on Saturdays because we both went to state colleges with big sports programs
• Now living in the Pacific Northwest, we take trips to sunny and preferably warm places at least two times through the winter and spring
• Saturday mornings year-round include going to the farmer’s market to buy the bulk of the week’s food (even on college football days) and Sundays are meant for exploring new things like a road trip, a restaurant, a movie theater, a walk in a neighborhood or a hike.
• We go camping at least twice during the year, but hopefully it’s more like five times
• And we listen to baseball on the radio while cooking during the summer.
• Most of all, we look forward to having a child who can help create new traditions out of whatever they feel is important to have a fun, meaningful life. It’s a tradition.

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Our Promise to You

First, it is important for you to know how deeply grateful we are for the decision you are making. You are considering us (or someone like us), to become parents of your child. We know this is a big decision for you and we hope you understand, by getting to know us, that you are making an amazing contribution to our lives that we couldn’t have done without you. Your child will be loved, respected and nourished to become the fullest, happiest version of themselves. We are sensitive, caring, emotionally available people with good heads on our shoulders who are trying to live meaningful, fun, benevolent lives. It is why we got married – we finally found the special other we had always been searching for after so many years. That same appreciation is how we will approach raising your child. To bring out the best in them, on whatever terms those mean for them. Though it is difficult to say what the future holds for the world around us, we believe the principles we live by, that we hope to pass along: curiosity, empathy, joyfulness, and self-belief will serve your child forever going forward. We will also embrace their pursuit of their genetic and cultural background and dive in alongside them as they bring their self-identity into better focus. We don’t take the concept of family for granted. Though they will be raised as our child they too will help direct what our family is.