Michael and Mary

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From Us to You

Dear Expectant Mother,

We can’t wait to meet you and begin a relationship and journey with you. We are brand new to this and maybe you are too!  Know that you aren’t alone and we wish we could wrap our arms around you, let you know how loved you are, and that you aren’t alone and don’t have to do this on your own. We have no expectations other than to remain in the present moment and enjoy this journey and all that it brings. To be parents to your child and welcome a new life into our home would be the honor of our life and the greatest blessing we have ever received.

We can’t wait to experience all of the firsts; that first word, first smile, first step, first birthday, first everything—even down to the first dirty diaper. It will be our very first memories as parents and we can’t wait to be there for it all. The realization that this time we can really take those pictures, take that video and make those memories and hold on to them makes us pretty emotional—in a good way. We can’t wait to form a lasting bond with your child who we have waited our whole marriage to meet!

We believe in God directing paths. Our path has felt less like a path and more like a crazy roller coaster but we are grateful because that is what helped us mature and grow in our marriage so that we can write this letter and be ready for this step. We got married on a very hot fall day in September 2015. When we first got married we never imagined we’d deal with infertility. After all, Mary is the oldest in a large Catholic family of 8 kids. Not knowing what the problem was, we embarked on a series of blood draws, exploratory surgeries, and appointments and discovered that we both struggle with diagnoses that make pregnancy unlikely. Although these diagnoses were difficult, we are so glad we took the time to investigate because there are good things that came out of it – Mary’s health improved, it became easier to know the “why” behind our struggle to conceive, and also helped us get excited for our adoption journey.

Our home, our jobs, our marriage, and our hearts are now open and ready for the adventure of welcoming a baby of our own into our home. We have an army of support from our families, church community, and even our work. People we barely know will stop by and drop off baby items and tell us they are praying for us with our adoption. It is so incredibly heartwarming!

We will have paid paternity and maternity leave from both of our jobs, which is so amazing. Mary has started picking out a cute polka dot theme for the nursery across from our bedroom upstairs. Already we are planning for Mary to cut back on her work in order to be home more when the baby comes. We keep talking about how we want to get the backyard ready so we can do a backyard barbecue-style baby shower when the time comes! Michael can’t wait to pick out Vikings themed baby garments and Mary can’t wait to go baby item shopping with her mother, mother-in-law, and all the sisters, nieces, and sister-in-law. There will certainly be a multitude of help wherever we need it! Everyone is simply thrilled to welcome a baby to the family and learn more about you. We are so ready and hopeful for this next step in our marriage: parenthood!

Warmly,
Michael and Mary

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Why We are Choosing to Adopt

One of the hardest parts of the infertility journey is the years of pregnancy tests, surgeries, pilgrimages, prayers, and tears. The waiting can feel so endless. But, the waiting has also been an incredible blessing. With every year of struggle, our desire to become parents has only grown stronger. Our hearts have opened wider to embrace any child. Our home has opened up to the idea of a child or children from different experiences, cultures, and heritages to our own. And from our wedding day, our dream has remained the same— to share our love with a child of our own, to build a family, to make memories, traditions and experience the joy of parenthood with all the ups and downs, decisions, messes, dirty diapers, doctor appointments, long nights, early mornings and schoolwork assignments.

In 2020, we got our foster care license to pursue foster to adoption. A month after getting our foster care license, we received a call to foster a baby. She was brand new and we met her for the first time at the hospital. Walking into the room we both fell in love instantly. She was so little and so vulnerable. We learned quickly how to take care of a baby, the sleepless nights, the diapers, and the whole new routine. We adjusted our careers to a new rhythm of life and loved her like she was our own. She was the brightest spot in our life for 9 months and then, very abruptly, she was placed in her forever home.  The next few months were the hardest of our marriage as we navigated a profound sense of loss while understanding that we were meant to be a stop on the journey and not our foster child’s final destination.  We were broken-hearted but now we know, more than ever before, that we want to become parents. She had shown us that we could succeed as parents. She was so happy and healthy and loved in our home.

We will welcome your child and all that parenthood brings. We will be there on the hard days and the easy days. The good days and the bad days. To take care of their needs, get to know their personality, their quirks, their hobbies, and who they can’t wait to grow up and become.  We will do whatever we can to nurture and do good in their life. To teach them about God and how much He loves them. To teach them right and wrong and encourage them to be the best version of themselves, pursue their passions, and become a confident and successful adult!

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What We will Share

We will talk to your child about you on a regular basis from the time we bring them home. We will tell them about your courageous love in carrying them and giving them the gift of life. We will always speak of you with love because you have given us the greatest gift of our marriage–the chance to be parents to your beautiful baby. We will share how you love them and want the best life possible for them.

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About Mary, by Michael

Mary is a strong, beautiful woman. She stands up for her values and her family. She’s good at being there for you and listening to what you have to say. She does a great job of keeping up with the house and moving our family on the goals we are trying to achieve. She also takes care of her health by working out and eating well. Mary enjoys spending time with people no matter what they are doing. She’ll play games with her family and me. She will go on a coffee date with her coworkers and friends to talk through anything because she is very open-minded. She loves traveling, meeting new people, and experiencing new things that sound interesting and exciting. The ups and down of marriage have shown her amazing reliance in the face of adversity and her fierce determination. These characteristics are necessary for a mother to overcome any challenge when it comes to raising a child. I can’t wait to see Mary become a mother.

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About Michael, by Mary

Michael is an introverted Teddy Bear whose #1 priority is taking care of our family and making me happy. He has a couple of good friends he talks to every day, otherwise, he is very content going to work, coming home, spending time gaming by himself, making meals with me, spending time with me, and sticking to a routine. Michael is very predictable, dependable, and relaxed with a clever sense of humor. Having a strong foundation to build our family on is important to us, and we have done a lot of hard work in our marriage to find the best ways to strengthen our communication. Michael has individually put in a lot of work to heal through his past trauma, like being bullied and not being accepted by other kids when he was growing up.  In the time I’ve known Michael, I’ve watched him go from not being able to make eye contact with other people to easily navigating a room full of people. I’ve watched him go from working at an unfulfilling job to finding his dream career where he really is valued and able to fit perfectly with his boss and team. Because Michael works so hard for the things that matter most to him, I know he will do whatever it takes to be a great father to your baby.

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Lifestyle

Our lifestyle is very easygoing and relaxed. We have incredible flexibility with our careers and that allows us to really make room for a new baby. Because we are both executives in our careers we spend a lot of time talking at home about our careers in our free time brainstorming and researching ways to build our companies. We have a very routine schedule despite our flexible careers. We wake up together and go to bed together. Mary works out at the gym in the mornings while Michael prepares for work. Breakfast and lunch are usually on our own except for weekends. During the day we are both at work but then home at night for supper together. In the evenings Michael usually unwinds in his study with some video games and Mary will watch a show or do some baking. Weekends are spent watching football, out with friends or family, taking a trip, going on a date, gardening in the summer, playing board games, and playing with our dog, Holly.

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Home & Neighborhood

Our home is our sanctuary and our pride and joy. We bought it in September of 2020. Before buying our home, we had lived in rentals for 5 years so it was really amazing and fun to finally have our own space to decorate, remodel and paint however we wanted. Our house is brick and situated in the heart of downtown. The benefit of living where we do is that we are within walking distance to nearly everything. Despite how busy and lively our neighborhood is with outdoor vendors, parades, fireworks, and outdoor music, we have a large, peaceful, enclosed backyard and a very quiet and serene home.

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Racial & Cultural Diversity

We are a sociologist and musician husband and wife duo, which makes for a love of learning and desire to immerse ourselves in new experiences and cultures. We’ve traveled to Mexico and Panama throughout our marriage and this fall, we will be hosting a foreign exchange student from Brazil. In high school, Mary was pals with a student in China. In college, she lived with a family who had three adopted children, two of whom were Black. Friends of different ethnicities have always been part of our life. We are open to adopting a baby of another ethnicity. We cannot imagine anything more beautiful than having a diverse family. Embracing a child of another race would give us more reasons to learn, grow and become part of another culture, expanding our worldview. Our family and friends are supportive also and open-minded. If we were lucky enough to become parents to a child of a different race, making sure to find cultural friends and community for your child would be at the top of our priority list.

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Our Families & Traditions

Traditions have always been a large part of both of our families growing up. Developing our own traditions has been a fun process as we combine the best of both our childhoods and add our own personalities to them. Every weekend, the most important tradition we have is attending Mass and going out for lunch afterward. Family is very important to us. We are particularly close with Michael’s parents and Mary’s two sisters, Anne and Ellen, and her brother, Samuel, and his wife. Once a month we get together with Ellen and Samuel’s family for a board game evening. We are very competitive but it is also just plain fun. Once a month we also go out for brunch with Anne to catch up and meet up with Samuel and his wife for our monthly prayer and couple’s group. Holidays are typically divided between both of our extended families where there are plenty of fun traditions to look forward to. Michael’s family has their annual cookie day before Christmas and we also have bingo on Christmas Eve every year. Mary’s parents celebrate all of Holy Week leading up to Easter with a Jewish paschal meal, a foot washing just like Jesus did with his disciples, and also an Easter egg hunt across the whole farm. There are some traditions we do on our own as a couple, and we can’t wait for your child to join in on them. We have Thanksgiving and 4th of July at home and always go out to pick our own Christmas tree from a farm each year.

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What We will Teach

Since early on in our marriage, we have talked about what we would want to instill in our children as far as values. We know that whether or not we are intentional about what we teach our kids, they will still learn from watching us in our own actions and thoughts.  So, we would rather be very deliberate about what values those are instead of leaving it up to chance.

The main values we want to instill in our kids are the four things that matter the most to us:

1. Our Catholic faith
2. A healthy relationship with technology
3. Taking care of their bodies through regular exercise and healthy food
4. A love of adventure!

We chose these values because these are the values WE strive for every day in our marriage. It matters to us that our kids see us modeling the values we are trying to impress upon them.

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Our Promise to You

Our hearts are bursting to share all our love with your baby and to build a relationship with you that stands the test of time. Our promise is to share the very best of who we are and every part of our life as parents to your child. We promise to go the extra mile in learning how to be parents, preparing to be parents and accepting the responsibility of being parents. It would be the greatest honor of our life to welcome your child into our home.