Wesley and Kevin

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From Us to You

We are beyond thankful to you for giving us this treasured opportunity to raise your child.  We understand that selecting a couple is an exceedingly difficult decision that awakes a number of emotions. We know you must be thinking about what type of life your child will have with us and what type of parents we will be.  Here is our promise to you:

We promise to nurture and love your child unconditionally for all our lives.  Some families barely hug each other or say the phrase, “I love you,” to their siblings or parents.  They maintain a certain distance as they grow through life.  We are the exact opposite.  When we see our families for visits we go around hugging each other, saying “I’ve missed you” and departing with “I love you.”  We believe in expressing emotion and connecting with each other as a family.

Yes, we can be emotional.  Wes cried out of happiness so many times at our wedding that Kevin had to step in to welcome our guests to the event because Wes couldn’t get through the speech.  And Kevin cries whenever a sad movie or show comes on TV even after Wes reminds him that the characters aren’t real.  So, we do not try to hide our emotions, but rather embrace them.  We will do the same with your child as we love, cry, and laugh throughout life as a family.

We promise to provide your child with a life of comfort and opportunity.  We have worked hard to create a loving home in a welcoming neighborhood surrounded by caring and thoughtful people.  Your child will be able to enjoy life with bicycle rides, tennis matches, and swim meets. We will jump whole-heartedly into supporting them in sports, theatre, or music – whichever passion they discover they have. They will have plenty of time to play with other kids and enjoy childhood fun.  We will also make sure they are given a top education at one of the many great schools located in our community. We know how education can help create opportunity and want your child to be able to choose whatever path makes them happy and live their life to the fullest.

We also want to provide your child a life of experiences – not just things. We want our kids to see the world, to see different cultures to embrace the diversity in life that makes where we live and our world so wonderful. We can’t wait to begin traveling as a family – everything from boogie boarding at the beach to trips around the world filled with trying dishes we cannot properly pronounce. Getting the opportunity to give these experiences we so cherished growing up to another child will be so fulfilling.

We promise to be there.  We would not go through this adoption process if we were not 100% certain that we will make amazing parents and create a loving family.  We know that means commitment.  We are fully committed to the late-night bottle feedings, the carpools to and from activities, and the presence at events.  Yes, we work but we have chosen jobs that provide us with the flexibility and predictability so that we can be present in your child’s life- see their first steps, hear their first word, and see their cap thrown for the first graduation.  We are fortunate to have a support network of family and friends who have already offered and made clear they will help us when help is needed.  We are not so naïve as to think we can do it all alone.  We have heard the phrase, “it takes a village to raise a kid,” and we with the loving support of others, will make sure we are there and ready for your child throughout their life.

We are both happy with our careers that allow us to have a great work-life balance so that we can create a family and be there for sports games, recitals, or other moments of life.  But when writing this paragraph, we cannot help but wish we had become writers or poets.  We know that trying to capture how much we will love and support your child in words is very difficult.  Let us just conclude by saying that we hope beyond hope that you will choose us and that we will give your child a family that is loving and caring without a doubt.

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Why We're Choosing to Adopt

To give. That is the simplest but most honest way to articulate why we are choosing adoption.  We both dream of a life where we have a family to whom we can give love, comfort, and happiness.  We do not want a life of simply going out to new restaurants alone or exploring cities by ourselves.  We want to be a family where we can give our children experiences of adventure and fun together as a unit and live a life of meaning.  Now, we understand that raising kids is not all flowers and rainbows.  It comes with the midnight wake-up calls, diaper changes, and spit-up on dress shirts, but as odd as it sounds, we are wanting those things because it also means having a baby to hug, kiss, and love.

Now, some may ask why adoption and why not surrogacy.  Both of us are thoughtful individuals who like to reflect and fully understand a matter before we make a significant decision.  We are fortunate in our ability to give a child access to opportunities they may not otherwise have. We performed research and spoke with people we know who have gone down both roads.  Couples will reach different decisions on the best path for them, but for us, adoption is absolutely the right fit. We are here to provide a loving home with two caring parents.

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Our Story

Even before our first date finished, we were planning our second date because we immediately clicked and felt a connection through the stories and experiences we were telling.  Kevin remembers Wes talking about his time working in Richmond where his aunt, uncle, and cousins lived and how he would frequently go to their house for dinners and days at the pool.  He could tell that Wes really valued his family.  Wes appreciated Kevin’s honesty and openness right out of the door. It was a breath of fresh air to be on a first date and to be comfortable. Kevin’s excitement and genuine interest in Wes, alongside his clear love for his family (evident from the stories of a trip on the Polar Express with his nephews to his childhood vacations to Seaside, Florida) helped seal the deal.  He could tell that Kevin would be a great partner and a great father. In the gay community, not every person wants a family, to live in the suburbs, or to rush home after work to play with their dog.  We do.  But, although we have similarities, we also value our individualism and appreciate each other’s differences.

Having a balance of interests and being well-rounded individuals is vital to us with both intellectual stimulation and outdoor activities. We do enjoy reading and crosswords but also are active in sports.  We frequently play tennis with tons of courts nearby and our neighborhood even has a local tennis and swim club where the kids take lessons and do group activities.  During the summer nights, we frequently see families bike to the club together for after-dinner swims before bed and cannot wait for our kids to join in the fun.

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About Kevin, by Wes

Kevin wakes me up almost every morning with a cup of coffee while he goofily sings the “Good Morning” song his mom sang to him as a child. This never fails to start my day with a smile. Kevin’s genuine love and concern show by his wanting to know I made it safely to where I am headed whether it is to the office, or on a trip. I love how he is always willing to try my masterpieces from the kitchen, even when they don’t turn out as pretty as the picture. The excitement on his face when he introduces me to another hometown tradition or tells a joke or funny story is room-filling. The little things about Kevin so perfectly capture why I love him and why I can’t imagine my life or this journey with anyone else. I know his upbeat excitement will only grow when he has a child to share our daily family adventures with.

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About Wes, by Kevin

I could tell that Wes was smart and accomplished when talking for hours on our first date.  That was a given.  What surprised me and attracted me to Wes was his sense of humor.  Finding a person who loves math and numbers but can also make others laugh is a rare combination and one that I found extremely endearing.  I quickly felt comfortable around him and it was easy.  Over time and as we lived together, I have found other things that bring a smile to my face such as Wes destressing by taking hot baths while playing word games on his phone. I still enjoy finding out what scent of bath bomb he chose for the day.   I also value how he dedicates himself to tasks and enjoys new challenges whether it’s a different recipe in the kitchen or a home improvement project.  I know his sense of dedication will also apply to our family as we grow through life. Our love for each other will help us be amazing parents.

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Lifestyle

Just as we balance our need for intellectual activity with outdoor activity, we also balance our work and home lives. Wes is an Accountant with a large corporation and Kevin is an Administrative Judge with the government. We both had the opportunity to select other jobs given our past successes but chose these jobs because of the predictable hours and matching schedules. We realized early on that having a family was more important to us than work dinners or frequent flier miles from business trips. We often talk about the future and our plans once we have children in the home. Our jobs thankfully do not require us to be in the office 5 days a week. We are both able to work from home multiple days at our selection, which will remain in place even after COVID. Our jobs also provide each of us with 12 weeks of parental leave and both have onsite childcare facilities, two amazing benefits that will allow us to spend more time with your child. With the support of our families, neighbors, and community, we can promise that your child will be raised in a loving home.

Our weekday evening routine starts with cooking dinner and eating together at the dinner table almost every night – except when a pizza is needed. We believe time around the table together as a family is vital, and we will continue having family dinner nights at the table with your child. We know it will involve high-chairs, thrown food, messy placemats, and maybe even a little bribery to get your child to eat their veggies, but coming together every evening for meals is something that we want them to experience. After dinner, we will often take walks around the neighborhood, play with our English Bulldog, Maggie, or watch a comedy with Melissa McCarthy, who is Kevin’s favorite actress. We laugh a lot and do our best to keep our home life entertaining. On weekends, one thing that we regularly do is attend Church. We do want our children raised in the Christian faith and value the role religion plays in our lives. Church communities have so many activities for children that we are excited to be involved as a family and continue participating in this part of life.

Things will change when we become parents but for the better. Our dog, Maggie, may no longer have walks alone with her parents, but she is one of the friendliest dogs and cannot wait for snuggle time and a child to watch over. Her excitement when the neighborhood kids pet her or throw her ball has solidified for us that she will make a great big sister! Our walks will also come to involve a stroller and Disney movies will certainly replace others, but we cannot imagine wanting it any other way. We look forward to the clutter and chaos of toys on the floor, half-built legos, and our laundry starting to include superhero costumes and princess dresses.

We both love to travel, and try to make it to the beach at least once a year and somewhere internationally once a year. We both have great memories from our travels as kids, in college, and so far together. We cannot wait to bring your child along for the ride, giving them time to relax and play in the sun, and offering them a world view through cultural experiences.

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Home & Neighborhood

Our home is located in a quintessential southern neighborhood with houses surrounded by green lawns and mature trees. We live in a two-story, white house with a large finished basement, on a big corner lot. Our home is the first on our block, “the circle” as our neighbors have named it, and houses with families with young kids are all around us. Our neighborhood has competitive swim and tennis teams that the neighborhood kids participate in. We love the security and peacefulness we feel when walking our dog around the block or seeing neighbors playing with their kids outside.

Although the neighborhood and surrounding area have a classic feel of a small town, the neighborhood is very progressive in some aspects.  Being a gay couple, we were initially unsure of how others would react to our presence in the neighborhood, but immediately realized it was a non-issue.  Perhaps it is because our neighborhood is made up of other people who also have diverse backgrounds.  All we know though is that we have been fortunate to live next to some of the most welcoming people we have ever met with constant invitations to game nights, BBQs, and children’s birthday parties.  There is a deep sense of community here with a support network and we cannot wait until we get to raise our family in this home. We say it often and really feel like we won the lottery with our neighbors.

We both appreciate a calm and peaceful feeling when we walk into our home so have, without shame, copied a lot of looks from Pottery Barn magazines. We have spent much effort turning our house into a warm and inviting home for our children, family, and friends. Kevin loves his big comfy reading chair in the study, and Wes can’t wait to host family reunions in his navy blue dining room.  We look forward to family movie and popcorn nights on our oversized comfy couch, story time in the nursery we have designed filled with fluffy stuffed animals, and mornings eating pancakes in our breakfast nook.  We are excited to fill our home with noises of toys, laughter, and giggles in a space we have created for a family.

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Our Families & Friends

Family is extremely important to us.  One reason we chose to build a life in the South is that it is within driving distance of our families who we regularly visit.   We want our children to see their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins frequently so that they can play together as we did growing up. Everyone on both sides of our families have expressed nothing but support for our adoption journey and are overjoyed to welcome another child. Wes’ parents are especially thrilled as your child will make them first-time grandparents! They want to be involved in our children’s lives and have already been discussing extended stays in our newly renovated mother-in-law suite, renting large beach houses for family vacations where we can all stay together, and us hosting Christmas because of our extra bedrooms so we can all wake up in the morning and open presents as a family.  With both of us having siblings, nephews, and a niece, it is a comfort to know that we can call upon our family members for tips and advice throughout this journey who have raised children of their own and will be there with absolute support.

Technology helps us maintain these regular touchpoints with our families, through group text messages and frequent phone calls.  Yes, family messages can include embarrassing photos and stories from childhood; yes, Kevin actually talks to his sister almost every single day and Wes talks with his parents on almost every commute home from his days in the office; and yes, we Facetime with our nephews on the weekend.  We do these things because they are important to us and are grateful our family members also cherish the connections.

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Racial & Cultural Diversity

Living in two of the country’s largest cities and both of us also spending time abroad in college has allowed us to personally experience diverse communities.  Some people spend their whole lives within an insulated area that lacks varied cultures and ideas.  In a country where people come from all backgrounds, we believe valuing each other’s differences is vital.  We are thankful that our neighborhood has similar views.  We never will have to question if our children will be the only adopted children, the only children with gay dads, or the only bi-racial children because our neighborhood represents families with children in each group.  We know that at some point children start comparing their families to others and your child will always be able to relate to others in some way.  Although the homes and landscape may resemble a time past, the families of our community reflect the present and are supportive of our adoption. The excitement for building our family doesn’t stop with us, our neighbors cannot wait for more children on the street.

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Family Traditions

Passing down traditions from one generation to the next is a practice that both our families value.  There is something about traditions that awaken our memories of childhood or family bonding that we want to keep alive and will pass on to our children.  Every Thanksgiving, after the dinner is finished, Kevin’s family watches “Christmas Vacation” to officially start the Christmas season.  The movie awakens memories of evenings spent under warm blankets with his siblings watching the holiday classic while falling asleep from too much turkey and gravy.   Wes’s family comes home from Christmas Eve church and has a Mario-Kart tournament, his parents have even been known to participate. Later that night he and his siblings exchange their gifts with one another, and then everyone heads to bed so they can wake up for the huge Christmas brunch his parents are famous for. His mom’s family’s Christmas Morning Casserole and his dad’s family’s homemade donuts aren’t to be passed over.  Of course, we also want to create traditions for our own family that may come from discussions with you or come about based on your child’s interests and personality.  We want to ensure any cherished tradition you want to be passed on to your child is honored and preserved.  We do look forward to a tradition that may arise from a surprise encounter with the Easter Bunny that needs to reoccur every year or a Halloween costume that looks so funny it needs to be saved and re-worn for trick or treating. We do not know exactly what new traditions we will make but we are sure your child will remember them fondly as they become adults and create families of their own.

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Our Promise to You

We are responsible and kind, loving and laughing individuals. We promise that your child will be loved, unconditionally. While your decision may require an act of faith, choosing us to be your child’s family is not a gamble or risk. Your child’s home will be built on comfort, stability, and great opportunity provided by two dads who will ensure a childhood of fun and happy memories. Beyond having us as parents, your child will also be part of a larger family and community where they will experience welcoming and generous people who will do whatever it takes to ensure they have a remarkable life. We can’t wait to meet you and join you on your journey.