Does placing my baby for adoption make me a bad person?

Does placing my baby for adoption make me a bad person? When I was making the decision whether or not to place my baby for adoption, I struggled with this same question. Unfortunately, there is a lot of shame placed on women experiencing an unplanned pregnancy. Birth moms are oftentimes thought of as irresponsible and careless. On top of that shame placed on us, there is still ignorance about adoption which creates an additional stigma. Society tells us that women who place their babies for adoption are taking the easy way out or are running away from their responsibilities. As a birth parent, I have come to learn that it is the exact opposite. Expecting mothers choosing adoption are making the hardest decision and taking full responsibility while making the best choice for their child.

Some people would say to me that I was making a brave and selfless decision, but to be honest I did not feel that way. I weighed out my unplanned pregnancy options and while I was making the decision that was best for my baby, I was also making the decision that was best for me. I felt selfish for wanting my life back to the way it was before my unplanned pregnancy. I felt shame that I could not parent on my own child. So, while my selfish reasons helped me to make my decision, the driving force in my decision to place my daughter for adoption was my desire for her to have the best life. I knew adoption would give her that and she deserved it. And let me tell you that placing my daughter was the most difficult experience of my life. As sure as I was about placing my baby for adoption, my heart was betraying my head. It hurt. When it came down to it during my adoption process, I forgot all about my selfish reasons and the only thing that kept me going was knowing she deserved a life I could not give her on my own. It wasn’t about me; it was about her.

I mean I may be biased, but I think birth parents are some of the most courageous and selfless people. They are making the ultimate sacrifice. They are putting their child’s needs above the wants and desires of their own heart. It really doesn’t get any braver than that. They are taking a difficult experience and making it into something beautiful. And that is something to be proud of. It takes a special kind of person to make that sacrifice. Placing your baby for adoption doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you a beautiful person.

Author: Ali D.

Written by Samantha Gindi