If you are considering adoption for your baby, it is important that you feel confident in your decision and it is also important to know that you are not “giving up” your baby. More often than not you’ll come across the frequent use of the phrase “give up for adoption.” While this phrase is repeatedly used in the adoption world, it is far from the truth. The reality is that the women who go through an adoption do not "give up" anything when choosing adoption for their baby. You are giving everything to your baby. Your decision to make an adoption plan is a strong and selfless choice that puts the needs of your child above your own. This decision will provide your baby with the ultimate gift of life and will also fulfill the dreams of hopeful Adoptive Parents who might not otherwise be able to parent.
Why You Aren’t Giving Up
There are a number of reasons why adoption could be the best option for a mother and her child, making each adoption story unique and special in its own way. Not everyone is ready to raise a child, and coming to terms with your own circumstances and knowing that you cannot provide the life your child needs and deserves takes courage. For women facing this decision, hearing that she is “giving up” her baby can be hurtful as it can imply a lack of care or concern. This negative language can make a Birth Mother second guess her decision and chose a route that she is not ready to take. If you or family members have negative thoughts about adoption, change those thoughts and feelings by remembering that you are not doing what is easiest for you or the Birth Father but instead heading down a difficult yet rewarding path that is made out of pure love for the child. Through the adoption process you choose a family based on the life that you envision for your child. You choose a family whom you feel will give your child a lifetime of opportunities. So, rather than thinking you are “giving up” your baby for adoption, try to recognize what your decision really means.
Understanding the Steps to an Adoption
Step 1: Choosing Adoption for Your Baby
Choosing to place your baby for adoption is a difficult decision to consider. Make sure to research all of your options so that you make the decision that is right for you and your baby.
Step 2: Making an Adoption Plan
If you have made the decision to place your baby or child for adoption, you will need to reach out to an adoption professional such as an adoption agency, attorney, consultant and/or other adoption facilitator. Your adoption professional will help you to create the right adoption plan for you and your baby.
At Adoption Network Law Center, we support you in every step of the adoption process, and help you create the right adoption plan for you and your baby. An Adoption Advisor will work closely with you to personalize your adoption plan according to your needs and wants. Your Advisor will help you find the right family for your baby according to your desired preferences, discuss your financial support needs, if any, help you prepare for your hospital stay and more.
Step 3: Finding an Adoptive Family
Choosing the perfect adoptive family for your baby may seem like an overwhelming task, but all of Adoption Network Law Center clients are carefully screened so that you, the Birth Mother, can have the peace of mind that you chose the right family for your baby. All of our Adoptive Families are required to complete a state home study as well as a background check. The ANLC team has helped numerous Birth Mothers find the family of their dreams, who will love, nurture and support their baby.
Step 4: Getting to Know the Adoptive Family
Adoption has changed over the last couple decades and “open adoption” is a term we are hearing more often. Open adoption allows for the Birth Mother and/or Birth Parents to have contact during and after birth. The degree and type of “openness,” of course, is dependent upon each situation, but contact can include sharing photos, phone calls, video calls, texts, and sometimes even visits. Most adoption experts and adoption professionals believe that open adoption is the healthiest choice for all parties involved, but they also highlight that the level of openness should be contingent on what is best for the child.
Step 5: Creating a Hospital Plan
Your Adoption Advisor or adoption professional will work with you to create the right hospital plan for you depending on your needs and wants. Some questions your advisor or professional will ask are:
- Do you want contact with the adoptive family at the hospital?
- How much time do you want to spend with your baby after birth?
- Who do you want to change diapers, clothe and feed your baby, etc.?
Step 6: Post-Adoption Recovery
After leaving the hospital, you will experience highs and lows, as you recover from giving birth and placing your child for adoption. It is important to allow yourself time and space to heal physically and emotionally. Your body needs to heal, so be sure to slowly ease back into your routine. It may take 6-12 weeks to physically recover, depending on the type of delivery you had.
Although you have made a courageous and selfless decision to place your child for adoption, grieving is a natural reaction. Allow yourself the time and space to grieve your loss. Know that you are not alone. There are Birth Mother support groups, mentors and counselors ready to speak with you about your experience and how their experience can help you through yours. Your Adoption Advisor or professional will help connect you with the resources you need.
Step 7: Communicating with the Adoptive Parents
The form of communication you will have with the Adoptive Parents will be determined by the level of openness in your adoption. Today, many Birth Mothers are in an open adoption situation, where they receive photos and letters. Some also have contact with the adoptive family through texts, social media, email, video calling and even regular face-to-face visits. Again, this type of contact depends on the openness of your adoption.
Remember, You Are Not “Giving Up” Your Baby for Adoption
There are many reasons why adoption might be the right choice for you and your child. For some women, abortion is not an option and they need to choose between parenting and adoption. Your reasons for adoption are your own, and only you can make this decision. No matter what the circumstances, no Birth Mother should be made to feel guilty for their decision. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you won’t be able to care for your child in the way they need and deserve, adoption is probably the right choice for you. Adoption Network Law Center has plenty of resources for expectant mothers considering adoption. Choosing adoption is not “giving up.” It is a powerful act of love.