All too often, society thinks of a Birth Mother’s adoption decision as a woman “giving up” her child for adoption. This language can cause Birth Mothers to feel as if they’re doing something wrong by creating an adoption plan. By making an effort to use positive adoption language, we can help stop spread misconceptions like this and hopefully influence others so that this positive language becomes the norm in our society.
If you are considering adoption for your baby, it is important that you feel confident in your decision and it is also important to know that you are not “giving up” your baby. Your decision to make an adoption plan is a strong and selfless choice that puts the needs of your child above your own. This decision will provide your baby with the ultimate gift of life and will also fulfill the dreams of hopeful Adoptive Parents who might not otherwise be able to parent.
Why You Aren’t Giving Up
Whatever your unique life situation is, you are making the decision to create an adoption plan because you are either not ready to or are unable to parent at this time. For a woman facing this decision, hearing that she is “giving up” her baby can be hurtful as it can imply a lack of care or concern, when in reality, she is searching for the right family who can provide her baby with the life that she is not able to.
Rather than thinking you are “giving up” your baby for adoption, try to recognize what your decision really means.
- Creating an adoption plan is a loving decision: Adoption Network Law Center Birth Mothers who have already placed share how much love was behind their decisions to create an adoption plan.
“To me, adoption is the most unselfish expression of love there is. When I thought about my son, I knew that I loved him and because of that, I knew that I had to give him everything he deserved.”
“My advice to a Birth Mother would be to stay focused on the gift that you are giving to this child…giving the adoptive child more than you can at that time and giving them the gift of life, basically twice.”
- Open adoption is an option: In the past, many adoptions were closed, with no contact between the Adoptive Family and Birth Mother. Today, most adoptions have some level of openness. Most experts and adoption professionals agree that an open adoption is the healthiest for those involved (the level of openness should always focus on meeting the needs of the child, not the Adoptive Parents or Birth Parents). There is no one level of openness in all adoptions, and contact between the Adoptive Parents and Birth Mothers can be sharing photos, phone calls, emails, texts and sometimes, even visits, during the pregnancy and after the birth. Open adoptions often help Birth Mothers resolve their grief and help affirm their decision.
How To Know If Choosing Adoption Is Right For You
Every Birth Mother’s circumstances and reasons for choosing adoption are unique. For some women, abortion is not an option and they need to choose between parenting or adoption. Some Birth Mothers choose adoption because they do not have the financial resources or support to parent, some are not mentally or emotionally ready to parent and others do not want to raise a child in the environment he/she will be born into.
For those considering adoption, the decision will be a difficult and emotional one. If you have family or friends that are open and will be supportive of whatever decision you make, it will be helpful to discuss your options with them. If not, reach out to an adoption professional who can also discuss all of your options and help guide you through the adoption process if you decide that is the right choice for you and your baby.
Choosing adoption is not “giving up.” It is a powerful act of love.