All too often, society thinks of a Birth Mother’s adoption decision as “giving up” her child for adoption. There’s some damaging language that goes with the adoption process that can cause Birth Mothers to feel as if they’re doing something wrong by placing their child for adoption. If we take a step back to see what such a decision truly entails, we would realize that nothing could be further from the truth. As many people know, there are various reasons why adoption is the best option for a mother and child. Plenty of scenarios can happen that result in a mother needing to place her child for adoption for the greater good, but not many people think of this outright.
Even if you feel confident about your decision, the less than supportive language can cause you to feel a range of negative emotions over time, which can lead to second guessing and adoption disruption. Instead of listening to the negative language we unfortunately have with adoption, know that your decision is valid and certainly not “giving up.” Rather, you are providing the ultimate GIFT of life for your child and an Adoptive Family, as well as a life of endless opportunities for all those in the adoption triad.
Rather than having an abortion, Birth Mothers make the courageous decision to create an adoption plan out of the greatest amount of love they have for their child.
Why You Aren’t Giving Up
Though many have the potential to become a parent, not everyone is ready to raise a child. There are a number of reasons why one is unable to give primary care for their child, and plenty of parents don’t realize this truth until it’s much too late. Though creating an adoption plan your child can be incredibly painful, making this decision is actually a tremendous act of love.
Coming to terms with one’s circumstances and knowing that they cannot provide the life their child needs and deserves takes courage. The phrase, “giving up a child for adoption” implies that the child is not being lovingly placed with another family, but is simply being given up to the state, government, or another person. This terminology implies a lack of care and concern, and almost makes it seem as if the child does not matter to their Birth Mother and Father. For the vast majority of Birth Parents, this couldn’t be further from the truth, which is why seeing or hearing the words “giving up” is so hurtful.
In order to change your thoughts and feelings about creating an adoption plan for your child, try to think of your decision this way:
- Creating an Adoption Plan is a Loving Sacrifice: It’s no secret that with pregnancy and birth comes great attachment between mother and child. For the Birth Parents and their baby, going through the pregnancy, feeling the baby grow, and connecting with the baby on a physical level, both during pregnancy and birth, create very real ties and bonds that aren’t easily broken. Even knowing the level of attachment that will naturally come, Birth Parents still opt to place their child for adoption because they know it’s the best decision for the baby in the long run, and the decision that provides their child with a lifetime of opportunities. By choosing adoption you are giving up your right to raise and love them in order to give them the best life possible.
- It Doesn’t Mean You’ll Never See Your Child: Many families opt for an open adoption over a closed one. This means that you, the Birth Parent, are able to be a part of the child’s life as they grow. Along with the adoptive family, you’ll decide how you want to keep in touch with your child. This may be through letter correspondence, actual visits, or by some other means.
- You're Doing What's Best Part of being a parent is putting your child before yourself. If you know that you’ll be unable to provide and care for your child in the way they need, placing them with a family that will be able to do these things and more is the best thing for them. You’re ensuring that they won’t have to go without necessities by placing them in an environment where they have all that they need.
How to Know Choosing Adoption is Right For You
There are many reasons why adoption might be necessary for you and your child. Some Birth Mothers are too young, others are in need of financial support, and many don’t have the resources they need to support a child. Still others are unwell physically or mentally, and while some may not have the capacity or ability to care for a child in all the ways care is needed. In truth, these are just a few reasons why adoption may be the best decision for you and your child.
Every mother and every family has a unique situation that they feel calls for placing their child, and they shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for their decision. If you find yourself in a situation where you feel you won’t be able to care for your child in the way they need and deserve, adoption is probably the right choice for you. There are plenty of resources for expectant mothers considering adoption, and going over your best way to find out if this option is right for you.
Adoption is not “giving up.” It is, in fact, a powerful act of love that puts your child far before your personal needs and wants. By placing your child, you’re giving them a better life. Rest in this truth and know that you will always be their parent, and they will always be your child.