Lisa

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From Me to You

Dear Expectant Mother,

It’s so hard to say what I want to say without falling into clichés, yet they all seem so fitting. Of course, I could never imagine what you’re going through as you contemplate this choice. I can only try to think of times in my life where I’ve been faced with life-altering decisions. Fear, uncertainty, anxiety. I’ve felt those emotions swirling as I contemplated the gravity of a decision. I can only hope that it brings you some comfort as you go through this difficult time knowing that if your decision is to choose me to raise your child, your choice will lead to joy for so many people. I hope you can close your eyes and imagine the love your child will be showered with and the happiness that so many people will feel to receive this incredible gift that you are creating.

When I think about adopting, I am filled with a profound sense of wonder. The universe has an amazing way of putting broken pieces together, creating a mosaic even more beautiful than if things had never broken in the first place. I have always been drawn to the beauty of mosaics, even when I was young and hadn’t yet experienced the first big breaks in my world. But every setback and heartbreak that I’ve experienced has allowed me to grow and learn and build the beautiful mosaic of my life. Although my life is by no means perfect, it is filled with laughter and happiness and I cannot wait to share that with another child. I look forward to family vacations and neighborhood barbecues and trips to the beach and learning to swim and reading stories and singing songs and all of the amazing and wonderful things life has for us.

I will be a single mom and I hope that does not scare you. While I do hope to find a partner in life one day, I will never again sacrifice myself for a relationship. Having been through a difficult marriage and a painful divorce, I feel more confident in myself than I ever did when I was younger. I feel totally capable of being both mother and father to a child, and I am lucky to have many supportive friends and family members so I will not be truly on my own and neither will your child. I have reached a point in my life where I have an abundance of everything except children, and I look forward to sharing my life and my heart with your baby.

So I will end with one more cliché (so trite, but so true): trust your gut. All of the mistakes I’ve made in my life were when I’ve ignored my gut instinct. The gut is the perfect blend of your heart and your head. Trust yourself to know the right path for you and your baby. And if your gut leads you to choose me to raise your child, I hope you will find peace knowing that you’ve created a precious new addition to the mosaic of my life. You have my utmost respect as you go through this process.

Thank you for considering me. I am truly humbled when I think of what an honor it would be to love and raise your child.

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About Me

I’m a single mom to a 10-year-old boy Logan, who I share custody of with his dad.  I’m a lawyer who is lucky to have a flexible job that allows me to be very involved in my son’s life.  I love being a “Room Parent” at Logan’s school and helping in his classroom.  I also love spending time with friends and traveling (at least when it is safe to do so).  I have a true sense of optimism mixed with a healthy dose of sarcasm.  I’m well known for my loud laugh, which I use as often as I possibly can.  Being able to laugh even when the chips are down is what has gotten me through some tough times.

Since the pandemic started I’ve made a seamless transition to working from home and it has been a wonderful change.  I’ve had the flexibility to oversee two home improvement projects, including adding a small swimming pool to our backyard.  I’m excited when I think about teaching a new baby to swim!  Logan loves to swim and while we were confined to our home during the quarantine we both wished we had a pool to play in.  It was so nice to make our dreams a reality.

Fun Facts About Me

• My first “word” was “uh-oh”
• I make amazing pies
• My favorite city to visit is New Orleans
• I have visited 5 continents
• I love to scuba dive
• I don’t like bacon

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My son, Logan

I’m so excited for Logan to be a big brother. He has always had a soft spot for babies, and he plays so well with them. It is so sweet to see him with his 3-year-old cousin, he has such patience and loves to read stories to him and play with him. And when my friend brings her baby over to play in our pool, Logan loves to pull him around and make him laugh. In addition to swimming, Logan loves to skateboard, read, and play video games.  He’s developing quite a hilarious wit to him and he makes me laugh (loudly) all the time. I cannot wait to see him bond with a sibling.

Fun Facts About Logan

• His first word was “ball”
• He’s an aspiring entrepreneur who loves to listen to the podcast “Business Wars”
• He still sleeps with stuffed animals
• He loves roller coasters, the scarier the better
• He can touch his nose with his toe
• His favorite food is bacon

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Why I Am Choosing to Adopt

I have always wanted to have a big family and I’m excited to be at a place in my life where I have the option to adopt and grow my family on my own.  I have a secure job that allows me a lot of flexibility to put my family first, and now that I get to work from home I have an even greater ability to handle the challenges of having more children.  I feel lucky that I don’t have to let the lack of a partner stop me from living the life I’ve always dreamed about.  There’s something so special to me about the idea of adopting and being able to share the good fortune I’ve had in my life, and knowing that a child would bring so much joy to our family as well. I know Logan is going to make an amazing older brother, and I still feel like I have a lot of love to give to a child.

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Lifestyle

“Work to live, don’t live to work.”  That’s pretty much my motto in life. While I’ve been lucky in my career to find a job that I enjoy and supports me well, my main focus is my life outside of work.  I lead a very laid back lifestyle and try not to take things too seriously. There are a number of families we are friends with within our neighborhood, and we like nothing more than getting together for a trip to the beach or a BBQ at home in our backyard.  We can’t wait to show a new baby all the amazing things our neighborhood has to offer!  The beach is only a couple of miles away and Logan is an avid boogie boarder.  He will be so excited to teach a little brother or sister to brave the waves with him!  I love nature and I go on lots of hikes and bike rides, particularly when I can convince Logan to come with me.  We love to visit with my family, who live a 6-hour drive away and we make sure to visit often so that the cousins and grandparents can see each other and bond.  Our entire family can’t wait to have another member to love!

One of the benefits of the quarantine was getting to spend extra time with Logan. And now that I’m working from home I get to pick him up from school and feed him a snack before he’s off to his afternoon activities.  We have had so much quality time together and that is the silver lining for me in this pandemic.

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What I Love about Being a Mom

Being a mom is the best part of my life. One advantage to becoming a mom later in life is that I am able to devote so much of my time to my son without feeling like I am missing out on other things. I had my time to focus on myself and having fun, and now I truly enjoy spending time with my son and being there for him when he needs me.  Watching him discover the world and himself is so enjoyable, and he makes me laugh all the time.

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Home & Neighborhood

My entire life it seems like I’ve been blessed with what I like to call “housing karma.”  Every time I’ve moved, I’ve lucked out to find a wonderful home.  My son and I live in Southern California and our home is in my dream neighborhood that I had my eye on because of the amazing school district, which is highly rated and very diverse.  And even beyond the schools, once I moved in and got to know the area better I could hardly believe my good fortune.  There is an amazing bilingual public elementary school three blocks away from where my son is becoming fluent in Spanish.  We have wonderful neighbors, with four of my son’s classmates living on our block and many more in the general area.  There is a beautiful park one block away with play areas for the kids, a library, large fields, and a splash pad in the summer with water fountains that will be so fun for a toddler to play in.  I’ve become close with many of our neighbors and we truly do have a village for the neighborhood kids, who are always going back and forth between houses on the block.  When we walk to school in the morning we often pick up a few friends along the way as everyone makes their way to class.  Our neighborhood is a rare gem and I’m grateful to have found my way here. I cannot wait to share all that our neighborhood has to offer with a new baby.  We’ll take stroller walks to the park and enjoy going to the beach and learning to swim in our new swimming pool.

There is an amazing home daycare across the street from my house that I plan to use when I am blessed with a child. It is owned by very close friends of mine, they have a son who is one of Logan’s best friends and we’ve known them since Logan was 3. It’s such a comfort to have reliable and trustworthy daycare so close by, and I am grateful to have this resource at my disposal.

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Racial & Cultural Diversity

I live in an amazing community in Southern California where we are surrounded by people from a wide variety of backgrounds. Our local public school is a bilingual Spanish/English school, and we are fortunate to have a very racially diverse student body, and we are near a large city with a wide variety of cultural activities. I have a diverse group of friends and neighbors who will be a part of your child’s life and I will make sure that your child is raised in an inclusive and loving environment. If your child is a different ethnicity than I, I will make sure that your child’s ethnicity is embraced by celebrating their ethnicity/heritage through having relationships with others of the same ethnicity and I will also include art, books, foods, and toys in our home that reflect your child’s background. I am committed to educating myself and my family and friends on how to best help your child have pride in his or her background.

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My Family & Friends

While my family is not especially large, I’ve filled out any holes with amazing friends.  I’m close with my immediate family and we see each other often, particularly my parents and my brother’s family.  He and his wife have two boys that are 7 and 2.  The cousins love spending time together and it has brought my brother and I even closer to see our children bond.  My sister has one daughter who is 19 and my entire family is very close to her since she was the only grandchild for almost a decade years.  She just started college and is blossoming into such an incredible young woman.  I love seeing her growing confidence as she navigates life as a young person in such a tumultuous period in our history.  Finally, my other sister has no children but enjoys spoiling her niece and nephews with presents.  I also have such an amazing group of girlfriends from all phases of my life, some dating all the way back to grade school.  Some are spread around the country, but my love of travel gives me opportunities to visit, and now that many of us have kids it has been really fun to watch our kids bond in much the same way we did when we were young.  Because my friendships are so important to me I put a lot of effort into maintaining them, and it is definitely worth it.  My friends are always there for me when I need them.

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Male Role Models in Your Child's Life

Although I am a single woman, I am lucky to have amazing men in my life who will be wonderful role models for a new baby. I am extremely close with my father and brother, and we see them often. It’s heartwarming to see what a devoted father my brother has become and he is a big figure in our lives. And we are close with several families in the neighborhood, with kids going back and forth between the houses and vacations together. It truly does take a village to raise children and I feel very grateful for mine.

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My Relationship with My Parents

I love my parents so much and have always been so grateful for them.  Even in my elementary and high school days when we lived in a fairly ritzy neighborhood but my parents didn’t have any money and drove funky cars that I was embarrassed to be seen in, I knew how lucky I was to have them as my parents.  They have always been so supportive of me and allowed me to grow and learn, and they picked me back up when I fell.  I learned a lot about how to parent from them.  We are close to this day and see each other often despite not living in the same city.  It’s amazing to see what wonderful grandparents they are to my son and my niece and nephews.  They are absolutely devoted and make a point to spend a lot of time with their grandchildren. Instead of buying them birthday presents they do an outing or special activity alone with each grandchild so that they can build amazing memories with them.  I feel very lucky that my parents are able to be so involved in their grandchildren’s lives.

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Family Traditions

Our family traditions revolve around spending quality time together.  We have an annual camping trip that started when I was very young and now includes Logan and his cousins. Growing up, many of our vacations were to visit grandparents because it was important to spend time together even though we never lived in the same city.  We celebrate a hodgepodge of holidays, my mother’s family is Jewish and my father’s was Catholic, so they came together and took a little bit from the traditions of each.  We celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah, Easter, and Passover.  We put a Jewish Star of David on our Christmas tree.  But it’s more about family time than religion in our household.  We like to be goofy and wear matching pajamas and do puzzles and play charades and board games. And we have silly songs that we sing that no one outside our family knows.

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Vacations

I live for vacations!  I will take any vacation, even a stay-cation will do.  I am happy going camping or staying in a fancy hotel at a resort or pretty much anything in between. Throughout my life, I have been lucky to have been able to travel many places in Europe, Asia, and Central and South America along with many places in the United States.  I love to go on adventures and explore, and it has been really fun to do that with Logan too now that he is older.  Our next family vacation was supposed to be a multi-day river rafting trip, which will be put back on the schedule as soon as it is safe to travel again.  But there’s almost no adventure that I wouldn’t be willing to try at least once.  High up on my list are visiting Australia and the Great Barrier Reef, going on a safari in Africa, and hiking Machu Picchu in Peru.  My dream vacations tend to be on the more active side, but I’m also happy lounging around a pool.  I love to try new food (although I’ll probably shy away from the super exotic items) and visit new cities.  And now all I’m thinking about is going on vacation….

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My Relationship with You

I realize that my relationship with you is not a one-way street, so it’s not entirely up to me, but if I had my choice, I would love to build a relationship with you so that you can feel confident that the precious life you brought into this world is safe and cared for in a loving and nurturing environment.  And I want your child to know where he or she came from, and not to have questions about you and who you are.  The regular updates I send you will be a large part of that, and hopefully, we can meet in person.

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What I Will Share

I plan to be very open with your child about adoption from the very beginning.  Your child will know about you from before he or she can even remember; it will be something we talk about often and openly, and with much gratitude.  I will make sure your child knows how brave and strong you are and how much you love them.  We will always be in awe of your sacrifice and love.

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My Promise to You

I promise you that if you trust me to raise your child, he or she will be loved fiercely and will be allowed to grow into the person he or she is on the inside.  My only goal in raising my family is that my children are happy.  It has been such a joy to watch my son grow and to nurture his interests and encourage him and support him as he learns what he wants in life.  (Which right now is most definitely not a haircut.)  I cannot wait to experience that again with another child.